Page 77 of The Circle

The driver of our car pulls his jacket back to reveal that he is armed with what appears to be a B&T APC9K submachine gun. And while I think they’re overrated, they’ll still kill someone effectively. And that’s not what anyone wants.

“Danny,” I say, pushing myself to my feet, “I’m fine. I just got a little carsick. Lesson learned. I won’t look at my phone again. Let’s just get going.”

Danny’s gnawing at the inside of his mouth, Alec is taking a deep breath, the Austrian is looking at Danny, completely nonplussed, and I notice that Eliza is staring at me somewhat curiously. I might be wrong, but she appears to be looking right at my stomach. (Oh, fuck me.)

“Seriously,” I say. “I’m fine. We have to go. I don’t want to keep Mr. Gorny waiting.”

There’s a whipcrack of energy from Alec and Danny, their attention drawn to me sharply. Eliza looks more intrigued than startled. And Suit Man simply smiles and says, “Yes, that’s exactly right, Ms. Keene. Mr. Gorny is, indeed, waiting.”

I say it because I know it’s the one thing that can shift the focus away from what’s happening with me and back onto the issues at hand. I don’t need the focus to be on me. I don’t want the focus to be on me. I just want to get this all over with. There will be plenty of time to focus on, um, domestic matters when we’re done here.

Alec wants to ask questions. Danny wants to ask questions. Eliza wants to ask questions. It’s obvious that everyone has so, so many questions bubbling up at the edge of their lips. But with the Austrian and his goons here, no one dares voice them aloud. The pulsing energy of their curiosity bounces off the nearby forest and back into our little circle where we stand. But no one dares ask. Anything. So, I dust off my knees, rub the gravel off my hands and move to get back into the car before one of the other vehicles currently whipping past us on the Autobahn mows us all down as we linger here on the side of the road.

I say it one last time so that I’m sure everyone has heard me clearly: “I. Am. Fine. Let’s go.” And I walk back to the idling car.

Reckless. Selfless. Just plain stupid. Who knows? Who cares. I’m starting to feel like that mama polar bear we saw that one time. I just want to protect my cubs and get on with shit. So let’s do this thing.

Is this a maternal instinct starting to manifest in me? If so, watch out, motherfuckers, because this mama bear isn’t afraid to get all kinds of bloody.

Danny and Alec start shuffling back to their vehicle, Danny never taking his eyes off me and Alec never taking his eyes off Danny and me both. Eliza continues eyeballing me hard as well as she gets in through the open back door of the Mercedes and slides over to her side of the car behind the driver’s seat. Our driver has re-buttoned his jacket and is now making his way back around the Mercedes as well. Then I realize that there is one last, very important thing I need to say before we can be on our way again:

“Who has a mint?” I call out, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket exactly like the reckless fucking animal I am.