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Everything was numb. My body, my mind, even my dick couldn’t get hard with four naked girls dancing in front of me. Not that I had eyes for anyone but Gia, but a man should have felt something with this many naked women in the same room.
There was something different about killing Antonio Mancuso. It was the first time I’d realized I was an animal. I had no redeemable qualities. My soul could not be saved. I was not the person Gia thought I was. Whatever was left of that person died along with Antonio at the development site. Ice ran through my veins, its power taking over me. I was as dead on the inside as the man I’d just murdered.
Marco was on the other side of the private room from me, with one stripper riding him, while another shoved her tit into his mouth. The girl on top of him was so fucking loud I wanted to throw my glass of scotch at her head to shut her the fuck up.
Pete was in the opposite corner. A stripper dressed in what was supposed to be a barely there cop uniform sucked his cock. He fisted her blonde hair in his hands, forcing tears to stream down her face. My sick fuck of a brother looked about as into the blowjob as I was this entire fucking night.
I wanted to go the hell home, but I couldn’t bear to let Gia see me like this. Gia was supposed to stay at the house I shared off-campus with Sonny until I had to bail on her father’s party. I’d ignored the last few text messages she sent me. Even if it was only for the night, I needed some space to think. I had to digest what I had become.
One of the girls in the center of the room attempted to come near me. I turned the gun on my lap around to give her a better look. Her eyes grew wide with shock, and then she took a few steps back to join the other girls on the miniature stage.
Back the fuck up, bitch.
That’s what the gun on my thigh said to these whores. I was in no mood to deal with anyone, and I wouldn’t let them touch me for all the money in the world.
I tipped the glass in my hand to my lips and drank the rest of the scotch. It burned all the way down, and I loved the feeling. On nights like these, I would fuck Gia until her pussy was raw and she couldn’t take anymore. And she would let me do it. Because she knew I needed it. Tonight, I didn’t want to feel anything—not even her. I was surprised most by that revelation.
Nothing. Darkness.
That’s what I wanted to feel.
The next morning, I woke up on the couch in my living room, blinded by the sun in my eyes. It streamed through the open curtains, leaving its warmth on my cheek. My skull pounded as if a rock band had taken up residence inside my head. I was still unsure of how I wound up on the sofa in my boxers and no shirt.
I covered my face with my arm to shut out the sunlight, which was giving me a headache. My mouth tasted of scotch, and I could still smell cigarettes from the strip club in my hair.
Sonny cleared his throat, drawing my attention to him. He was lying back on the plush recliner by the window staring at me like some creepy fucker.
I propped myself up on my elbow and raised my eyebrows at him. “Can I help you?”
“Nah, I was just watching porn on my laptop.”
I blinked a few times, noticing the computer on the table next to him. “Bro, that’s fucking weird. Go jerk off somewhere else.”
“I said I was watching. You don’t see me with my dick in my hand,” he countered.
“What day is it?”
“Saturday,” he said without hesitation.
I was so sure it was Monday. My days were starting to blend together. At least it was a weekend. If I wasn’t following my brothers around, I had my nose in a law book and Gia at my side. I could relax with Gia. We spent most of our weekends either studying or fucking, sometimes both at the same time.
Gia made up a game she liked to call Legal Foreplay our first semester of college together. I had to earn every moan I ripped from her beautiful body. It was her way of making sure I studied. The only thing I was absolutely sure of back then, was I wanted to study every inch of her body. Her games had a lot to do with keeping my ass in check. Lord knows I needed it.
“We have to make our runs later,” Sonny said, still watching porn without sound.
I sat up and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs. “Which collections? The ones for my dad or ours?”
“Ours. A lot of people owe us money after the last Eagles game.”
“Anyone in particular. I don’t feel like dealing with any more assholes today. I did enough of that last night.”
Sonny laughs. “I take it shit didn’t go well with Marco and Pete.”
“No, not at all. I don’t even know what the fuck to call what happened last night.”
“What did you guys do?”
“I killed Antonio Mancuso,” I confessed. “He was a junkie. We found him at a crack house in North Philly. I shot him up with H.”
