Page 91 of Sun, Moon & Shadow

“I can’t risk it,” he said finally. “I can’t risk you.”

“So, I’m expected to do what, exactly? Mind the horses?” She scoffed. “You included me in the plan before.”

“When I thought fifty soldiers stood between us and General Idrian—not two hundred and fifty.” He, too, was struggling to keep his voice even.

“What’s the difference? If our plan works, the archers and Arik’s warriors will take out the sentries, Fawn’s diversion will send the rest of the soldiers scrambling, and we’ll be picking them off, one by one, on our way to Idrian.”

He didn’t respond, turning his face away from her. She took a step closer. Their bodies were practically touching.

“You don’t think I can do it,” she murmured, the realization striking her like a slap in the face. “Look at me, Callan.”

His eyes were apologetic when he finally faced her.

“That’s not true.” His fingers closed gently around her biceps. “But these are trained killers, Nova. Their only aim in life is the complete destruction of their enemies. A couple of months ago, you’d never even held a sword, let alone killed anyone.”

Nova stepped out of his loose grip, flexing her hands and bringing her arms to rest at her sides. She blinked once, banishing the tears gathering behind her eyes, her features melting into a blank expression.

“I’m not the fragile female you found in Timberfell.”

“I know. I know you’re not.” Callan’s words spilled out of him as he tried to take her hands in his. “But I cannot bear it. What if I can’t protect you like I couldn’t protect my parents?”

“You must stop blaming yourself, Callan. You would have been no match for Omen’s dark magic.”

“Then at least I could have died beside them!” His voice broke, the agony in it cutting through her rage.

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again.

“Somehow, I’ve managed to live this long without them. I used to think it was a cruel punishment from the gods, forcing me to go on, forever carrying the burden of my shame. Now, I believe every year—every godsdamned second—I spent living in pain was so I could find you. I wasn’t truly living until I met you. If anything were to happen . . .” He paused and shook his head ruefully, throat bobbing. “I don’t think I could survive it.”

Nova froze, caught up in the wake of his declaration, momentarily losing sight of her anger.

“Nothing is going to happen to me,” she said, finding a shred of indignation to latch onto.

“Why are you fighting me?” he asked, his voice desperate. “Why won’t you let me protect you?”

“I don’t need your protection. I’ve taken two lives in as many days—one practically with my bare hands—protecting myself. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

Nova turned away from him, walking back to where the others were gathered, waiting.

“I’m only trying to help you,” he called out after her, sounding defeated.

“I don’t want your help, Callan,” she said flatly, throwing him a look over her shoulder. “I want your respect.”

Callan tilted his head back, lifted his eyes to the sky, and ran his hands roughly over his face.

“Fuck.” The curse left his lips so quietly, only the first stars winking against the deepening purple backdrop heard him.

He knew Nova. Knew she’d spent her life convincing herself and everyone else that she didn’t need anyone. Now he’d acted as if he saw her not as an equal but as a charge, defenseless without him to shield her. It wasn’t how he saw her. She was a fighter. A warrior. He’d seen it when she defeated the lycane. He’d told her as much when they were standing on the rampart overlooking the autumn forest in Pyralis and he offered to train her.

But he couldn’t ease the sinking feeling in his gut. Couldn’t silence the bond telling him he would die without her. Couldn’t allow himself to contemplate a world without her in it. Callan had never realized how much love and fear went hand in hand. And now the fear of acknowledging his love for her had been replaced by the all-consuming fear of losing what was most precious to him.

Callan tugged on his gloves once again and flexed his hands, breathing deeply before striding back across the sand. There was no time to waste. Once the deed was done, once Idrian was dead, he would do everything in his power to earn Nova’s forgiveness. But first, he needed to focus on leading the others into battle.

When he reached the base of the massive rock, Nova was nowhere in sight. Their connection, passing between them like an invisible thread on a loom, had only intensified since their bodies had joined. Through it, he sensed her presence on the summit above.

The archers stood at the ready behind Evander, outfitted with longbows and full quivers. Arik’s force of warriors waited in formation behind him, their hair braided or tied back, cloaks removed for ease of movement. Fawn stood nearby, shifting from foot to foot, practically humming with eager energy, while Lucan leaned casually against a boulder beside her.

Callan threw off his own cloak and rolled his neck and shoulders, joints popping faintly as they loosened in preparation for the fight to come. He looked around and nodded once, the motion a silent order to move out. Lucan caught up to him as they passed swiftly over the sand toward the foot of the mountain.