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“Which doesn’t help us narrow the pool of potential suspects for poisoning your blood,” I conceded. “Is it unusual that the Council left blood in your fridge in the first place? I mean, wasn’t that why you were hiring me?”
“No, I was hiring you to be polite. Ophelia was quite insistent that your services were essential. I was afraid I would offend her if I sent you away. To be honest, I thought your contract was a cover for her monitoring my activities.”
“By that logic, wouldn’t it make sense that I might be the person who tampered with your blood?” I asked. His eyes narrowed at me. “I really have to learn to shut up.”
“I know it wasn’t you,” he said grimly. “The blood was delivered as part of a welcome gift basket from the Council yesterday. You haven’t used the access code for my door before today.”
“My friend Jane says you shouldn’t trust gift baskets around here,” I told him.
“That would have been helpful to know a few days ago,” he mumbled.
“So you’re sort of a vampire PI?” I asked. “Without the office in a semidisreputable part of town or the cheesy mustache?”
The aforementioned unmustachioed lips quirked in response. “In a manner of speaking. You might say my gift is problem solving. If I stay fixed on a problem or a question long enough, I will eventually find a solution. It started in my early days as a human. I’d always been clever with puzzles, games of strategy, battle plans. And now I’m used in investigations into financial indiscretions between vampires and the human business world, finding vampires who have disappeared or died under mysterious circumstances, tracking the human descendants of vampires interested in getting reacquainted with their human families since the Great Coming Out, that sort of thing.”
He was sprawled back on the couch now, exhausted and drained by my questions. I helped him to his feet and walked him to the cellar door. “So if you’re the problem solver, why can’t you figure out who’s poisoning the vampires?”
He frowned at me, as if I was touching a tender subject. “It’s not an instant-gratification sort of talent. It’s more of an instinct that leads me in the right direction. This time, the problem has a few more twists and turns than I’m used to,” he said, his voice worn and as thin as paper as I helped him downstairs and into the tent. He barely glanced at his “room.” If he was less than thrilled with my less-than-four-star accommodations, he didn’t say anything. I suspected that he found conversation with me to be circuitous and pointless.
Mainly because he told me that he found conversation with me to be circuitous and pointless. To my face.
3
Your family will not understand your decision to take in a vampire. To avoid awkward conversations, think of excuses to avoid their visiting beforehand. Solid suggestions include: Your house is being fumigated. You have a contagious rash. You are trying to read the North and South trilogy from beginning to end.
—The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires
I stayed up a good portion of the night, sitting on the couch, clutching my mother’s heirloom silver pie server. Much like with sunlight, vampires are allergic to silver. For them, it’s like touching every caustic, irritating substance in the world all at once, combined with the annoyance of listening to actress-slash-models talk about their “craft.” It can actually burn the flesh from their bones if they’re exposed to enough of it, which is why the vampire pepper spray I carried was mostly very pure colloidal silver.
>Cal seemed mildly annoyed with all the questions. He yawned, something I’d never seen vampires do, and blinked as if he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. “I am sure it was the blood, perhaps something injected into the plastic packet. I wouldn’t have noticed the tampering. And as for allergies, I’m not sure I should reveal my weaknesses to you.”
“You think I’m going to attack you with Windex?”
He blinked again. “At the moment, I trust you more than the average human. But you might question your decision to let me into your home at some point tomorrow while I’m resting.”
“You make a relevant but frustrating point. I’m actually questioning my decision as we speak.” When he tensed, I added, “I figure if I tell you the truth now, you’ll have no reason to drain me over a minor misunderstanding later. I have to ask: Why would someone interfere with your blood, in particular? Why would someone want to hurt you? I mean, some other reason beyond your lack of personal charm or regard for communicative technology.”
His cheek barely twitched with the effort to frown at me. “That’s classified information, Council business,” he said, slurring the S’s slightly. “I can’t discuss it with you.”
“Oh, well, I’ll just go right ahead risking my neck without the full picture, then,” I muttered, crossing my arms.
“Full disclosure wasn’t part of our agreement.”
“The agreement is being amended,” I shot back.
“And why am I not allowed to amend the agreement?” he demanded.
“I suppose ‘Because I said so’ isn’t a sufficient answer?” I asked. When this failed to bring about a response, I rubbed my hand over my eyes. “I brought you into my home. The least you can do is tell me why I made such a stupid decision. And before you insult my trustworthiness again, I might remind you that I have access codes to the homes of nearly every member of the Council. I know who and what they eat. I know when they’re fighting with their spouses, and when they’re having sex with people they’re not supposed to, and when they’re fighting with their spouses because they’re having sex with people they’re not supposed to. And I never breathe a word to a single soul, living or otherwise. It’s safe to say I can be trusted to use discretion.”
Cal stared at me. I shot my best stern, irritated expression right back, which didn’t seem to faze him in the least. I really needed to work on my stern expressions. Apparently, they only work on teenage girls … or Gigi was just humoring me.
“There has been a series of vampire attacks on humans,” he finally said, his tongue thick and slow. “Sporadic, across the country. Horrific, bloody attacks with no apparent motive, vampires who have shown no previous signs of aggression lashing out at human companions and tearing them apart. The Council is doing its best to keep it quiet, because we don’t want to cause a panic in the human community. As best we can tell, the vampires in question all suffered a form of poisoning. The compound is like steroids for vampires, on an exponential level. It brings out the worst of our aggressive, territorial behaviors while enhancing our strength and lowering our inhibitions.”
“Why would someone do that?”
“How old are you?” he asked. “Twenty-two, twenty four?”
“I’m twenty-nine,” I grumbled.
