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“It will be all right,” he promised. Just as he was leaning in for a better kiss, the front door of the house swung open. Ophelia Lambert stepped out, her brown curls bouncing in a sleek, high ponytail. She was wearing a red pleated miniskirt and a tiny red cardigan.
Collin’s hand slipped away from mine. He straightened, squared his shoulders, and looked every inch the dignified soldier. I, on the other hand, looked like a vagrant, given the expression on the vampires’ faces.
“Miss Puckett, aren’t you the surprise?” Ophelia said, her lips twitching in amusement. “Collin, so good to see you. And right on time.”
Despite his ridiculous outfit, Collin managed to look smooth and collected as he bent low over Ophelia’s hand. “I couldn’t bear to keep you waiting for this, Ophelia.”
She smirked at him. “Clever.”
Iris emerged from the house, her wild dark hair tamed into a respectable French twist. My boss looked tidy and sweet in her blue pencil skirt and white eyelet blouse. While she initially offered me a wide smile, her expression deepened into a frown when she glanced at the driveway … and my outfit.
Before she could say anything, a lithe, cool blond woman sashayed out of the house and launched herself at Collin. “Darling!” she exclaimed. “How wonderful to see you. It’s been ages.”
What. The. Hell?
The blonde in question, Sophie, was another senior member of the local Council. I’d learned not to trust that sweet face and those pretty manners during her “qualifying examinations” for the Council. Sophie was a sort of walking lie detector. She could yank the truth from someone’s subconscious if she was touching bare skin. I’d spent several unpleasant hours in her company during the Council’s screening process for humans who planned to work in vampire homes. The process was necessary to determine whether I had some sort of death wish or a secret desire to go on a staking rampage.
Collin gracefully pried his way out of Sophie’s embrace, with a pained glance in my direction. “Sophie, it has been too long.”
Sophie was not to be deterred, however, and she linked her arm through Collin’s to lead him into the house. She chattered away about this mutual friend and that. She wanted to throw Collin a dinner party while he was in town and introduce him to her neighbors.
Collin didn’t spare me another glance as the party gathered in Ophelia’s formal dining room. And why would he, with beautiful, polished Sophie and her smooth, nearly pearlescent skin and tits that seemed to have a gravitational pull all their own? I looked down at my borrowed, wrinkled dress and felt a blush creep up my cheeks. I drifted toward Iris, hoping that I could explain about the car quietly, get fired, and then slink away before I had to watch Sophie and Collin set up a bloody dinner date.
I had almost opened my mouth to confess when I realized that I was finally going to see inside the mysterious silver case! My brain spun with thoughts of the treasure I would be viewing in just a few seconds. Was it jewels? Precious archeological artifacts? The frozen head of Walt Disney?>“Beggars can’t be choosers, sweetheart. Get in the car,” he said, shoving me.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Dick Cheney,” he said with a wink. “Pleased to meet you, Jinx.”
“What, like the vice president?” I asked as Dick slammed the door behind me. I peered over my shoulder and saw him flank the approaching car.
In the shadows, by the soda machine, I could see Collin. His face was pinched and worried as he observed this new development. His eyes locked with mine, and he mouthed, “Stay down.”
I slumped down in the seat at the sound of Dick’s raised voice. He was cursing vehemently, and I heard something about “counterfeit Snuggies” and “connections in South America.” There were grunts and groans as blows were exchanged, and the car lurched forward when someone was thrown against the bumper. I shrieked and covered my head with my arms.
The door opened, and Dick tossed a heavy duffel bag into my lap. He started the engine and gunned it, smashing into the car parked behind us. I shrieked, clicking my seatbelt into place as Dick wheeled the car around and slung my weight against the door. I saw a flash of orange and blue in the side mirror just before Dick sped out of the parking lot. There was a light thump, and I saw Collin’s hand waving at me in the mirror.
While Dick ranted into his cell phone at a guy named Ralphie, I kept my head down and my eye on the clock. Dick’s Dukes of Hazzard–style driving meant we were making pretty good time down the interstate toward the Hollow. But whoever Dick had argued with wasn’t following us, so he slowed down outside the city limits. Dick hung up with a final, “No, it’s coming out of your share!” and shot an apologetic look my way.
“Sorry, hon. Believe it or not, that turned out better than I expected.”
“So your business … does this happen a lot in your line of work?”
“Ever since my wife asked me to try to keep on the ‘lighter’ side of the line, yes,” he said. “No one seems to take me seriously anymore. That deal back there? That was for counterfeit University of Kentucky–themed Snuggies.”
“I can see how that would make it hard to maintain street cred,” I told him.
He frowned, reaching into a little warming compartment between the seats and taking out a Faux Type O. “So tell me more about the car with boobs that ended up in the ravine,” he said. “I like a good story.”
I spilled my tale of woe. Dick found it highly amusing. Somewhere between my car getting ravined and my engagement ring’s mystique getting debunked, Dick was laughing so hard that Faux Type O was coming out of his nose. The sight was downright disturbing.
“You know, you remind me a little of my friend Jane,” he said, wiping at his nose. “She’s another vampire in the Hollow. She had to be turned into a vampire, because the local drunk thought she was a deer and shot her. It was either go undead or go into the white light.”
“Wait, does Jane run a bookstore called Specialty Books?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Yeah.” He chuckled. “How did you know?”
“I drove her to Nashville this week.”
