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I held up my thumb and forefinger, measuring a tiny amount of evil. “Just a little one.”
“And since we just harassed a perfectly nice old lawyer, I’m assuming it didn’t work?”
I shook my head and buried my face in his shoulder. He stroked my hair away from my face to press a kiss against my forehead. “You’re exhausted. Let’s get you home, honey.”
I closed my eyes and stayed quiet for most of the ride home. What the hell would I do now? I had used up all of my luck, all of my happy coincidences and convenient clover patches.
What had I missed? Although I’d already done it a dozen times, I reviewed each find in my head and the steps that led up to it. Could anything be repeated? Mined for more information?
And I was back to blind luck again.
I must have dozed off, because I woke to Jed carrying me up the porch steps and using my keys to unlock my door. I should probably have objected to this. He was still the guy who had lied to me for months and stolen priceless artifacts from me. But he also smelled like the forest and fresh laundry, and every time his chin brushed my forehead, a little thrill zipped up my spine.
I let him stretch me across my bed, opening my eyes long enough to catch his hand and drag him down next to me. Jed scooted in behind me, pulling my back against his chest, and laid his face against my hair.
“If you keep all that sad to yourself, it’s going to leave a bruise,” he murmured against my neck.
“I don’t think there’s such a thing as emotional contusions,” I whispered back, wrapping his arm around my waist as I rolled onto my back, facing him.
“I meant here,” he said, drawing a finger over my heart.
I stared intently at the ceiling, willing away the anxious despair that seemed to have a choke hold on my throat. “What was Nana Fee thinking, leaving this task to me? I never showed any interest in being the family’s leader. No one ever asked me if I was ready or even wanted the job. It was just shoved in my lap because I happened to be a good nurse. And I am drowning here. Why didn’t Nana send Penny or Uncle Jack or someone who actually embraces their abilities and might have gotten through this with some dignity?”
“Maybe she knew you needed it more,” he suggested gently, playing with a lock of my hair. “You needed to come here so you could get to know your grandfather.”
“If she was that concerned, she could have sent me here before Mr. Wainwright died. She could have told me about him, let him know me,” I shot back, my tone more than a little bitter. “She could have let my mother know him. Then maybe she wouldn’t have turned out to be such a . . .”
Jed propped himself on his elbows. “What?”
“Anna McGavock wasn’t a good mother. She wasn’t even a good person.” I smiled to cover the odd little sob that escaped through my nose. “Everything she touched was tainted by her bottomless need for whatever she thought she deserved but wasn’t getting. Nothing was ever enough. Maybe if she’d known her father, she wouldn’t have felt like she had some missing piece she had to make up for. Or maybe she was always meant to turn out to be a cancer on the backside of humanity. Who knows?”>She laughed. “Mr. Wainwright, you crazy, adorable old bastard.”
Andrea raised an eyebrow. “And the award for abrupt and inappropriate statements goes to . . .”
Grinning at me, Dick peeled away the fabric inside the lid. A sort of shell popped out of the lid, and two books fell out into his hands.
“A false top?” I laughed as he handed me the two journals. “I haven’t heard that one before.”
“Clearly, you’ve never met my cousin Junie.” Jane snorted.
“Gilbert was a good boy, but he wasn’t stupid,” Dick said proudly.
The first thing I saw when I opened one volume was a sketch of each of the Elements. The writing surrounding the sketches was a mix of Gaelic and Old English. I could pick up words my family used regularly: “magic,” “fire,” “tradition,” and “mother.” But everything else was nonsense. “I’ll send this to Penny, too, which means I will have to put up with more of her ‘I told you sos.’ Fortunately, we won’t be on video chat, so I’ll miss out on the accompanying dance.”
Tucked inside the journal, I found pictures of Nana and Mr. Wainwright. It was nice to see them from his perspective. In his pictures, he was smiling down at Nana, pulling her close to his side. She was grinning widely at him, a look of complete adoration on her face.
Andrea picked up one of the pictures. “Hey, the inscription on this one is in English!”
I plucked it from her hands and read aloud. “ ‘Fiona is a beautiful, intelligent woman who shares my open view of the world. I could easily see myself spending every day happily with her. But I don’t think she will ever be ready to leave Kilcairy. And I would never be ready to stay. She is needed here, and I would not make her choose between myself and the people she cares for. But I cherish our time together and hope that our paths may cross again.’ ”
“I thought that would make you feel better,” Jane said. “But you look like you’re ready to burst into tears.”
“It’s sad,” I said. “Nana loved him. And if he’d asked, she might have followed him home to America. My mother would have grown up with a father. She would have had an entirely different life. It sounds like they were held back by bad communication skills and fear. Mostly fear.”
Jane ran her hand over my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nola.”
Gabriel carefully thumbed through the other journal. He grinned broadly at me. “I don’t think you’ll need to contact Penny. This is the last journal, Mr. Wainwright’s daily journal from seven years ago, which he tucked into the lid along with the Ireland volume ‘to protect Fiona.’ ” This section is in Latin, which I speak just as well as Dick, thank you very much. And he says he entrusted the bell to a friend. He says he couldn’t bear looking at the bell because it reminded him too much of what he left behind.”
“Aw, that’s sweet,” I said.
