Page 125 of These Tears

Will he punish me when we get back?

Lock me up for real this time?

Stop giving me choices?

I shudder at that one.

Beside me, Elias slows.

At first, I think it’s from the thickening layers of snow, but then I realise his steps are deliberately softening, forcing me to match his stride, and allowing Anders to move further ahead.

The distance between him and us stretches by a few paces. Then several more.

My heart is still beating with frenzy.

Suddenly, his hand slides from my waist to my elbow, and with one smooth pull, he guides me towards the side of the path, behind the shelter of a thick pine heavy with snow.

My heart shoots into my throat.

This is it.

This is when the warmth drops out of him and he shows me what trying to escape cost me.

But he draws me against him instead.

And it isn’t violent or forceful like before. It rather turns me into a damn participant in my own captivity.

His arms close around me; one across my back, the other at the nape of my neck, pressing my face into the hard warmth of his chest.

His mouth lowers near my ear, and when he speaks, his voice is intimate enough to make us seem like lovers, and low enough that Anders cannot hear.

‘Smile,’ he murmurs. ‘I won’t harm anyone. And you will quit wearing that expression like I’m dragging you to your execution.’

A fractured breath leaves me. ‘Aren’t you?’

His chest rises against mine.

Then his thumb moves once against the back of my neck in an almost soothing line that drags a shiver straight out of me. ‘I’m letting you know how not to make things worse. Hold me here—’ He guides one of my hands to his side, beneath his arm. ‘—the other around my back. Lean in. Breathe like you were scared and you missed me, not like you’re waiting for me to break your bones.’

I bite back the whimper pushing past my tongue as my fingers curl into the heavy fabric of his coat.

I hate this so much.

Ahead of us, Anders turns.

Elias shifts at once, lowering his forehead closer to mine, his body shielding my face from view.

The white-bearded man offers a warm smile, then turns back towards the path, leaving us behind.

‘Good girl,’ Elias croons, eyes holding mine in this small sliver of space. ‘Do you realise now why I never need to bind you?’

‘Yes.’ It comes out too quickly.

‘The direction you were taking,’ he says, tilting his head sideways to look through the trees we’ve left behind. ‘It’s a four-hour walk. Longer in this snow. At the end of it, there’s a cliff.’ Then he looks at me with eyes too bright, face too hard. ‘And nothing else.’

It winds around me with nauseating finality.

I stare past him, towards the trees I’ve fought through with all that stupid, furious hope, every blade mark, every burning step, and every breath I’ve dragged into my lungs as if freedom was only a matter of endurance.