Page 69 of These Tears

I can’t feel my knees. My tongue feels numb. My entire body is shuddering without control.

He drags a hand through his hair, strands springing free, rebounding against his forehead as he bends slightly forward and pulls in a long, agonising breath.

For a moment, I think he might bolt.

But then his head lifts.

‘Knickers down. Sit.’ The words come out feral and mangled, as if forced past his teeth.

‘I’m not doing this in front of you.’ My voice barely holds together.

His chest seizes. He realigns his spine, pinning me with a stare so cold it bloody burns.

I count my heartbeats.

When he speaks again, his voice comes low and raw, every word landing with the finality of a sentence already passed.

‘From now on, you will.’ His gaze doesn’t waver.

Outrage punches up beneath my sternum but fear washes over me right after.

‘You can’t do that.’

‘I’ll count to ten.’

‘Elias—’ The name cuts clean out of me in thin, broken gasps.

‘When I’m done—’ He doesn’t finish, but he doesn’t need to. His face does it for him.

The space between us cracks open.

‘What are you going to do to me?’ I plead. And no – I don’t want to know. With a look like that, nothing good could come from him.

He grits his teeth. ‘Depends on the ghosts. If you’re a good girl, good ones will come out. You might even like them.’

God.

‘One.’

My hands snap into motion before my courage can fracture. My fingers burn as I flip the belt buckle, the metal clicking too loudly in the stall. I hear his breath break – just once.

‘Two.’

A button gives way. The zipper slides down with a sound that feels nauseating in the tight space.

A muscle jumps in his jaw.

‘Three…’

His fingers flex once against his thighs, gaze still fixed above my waist as if looking any lower would cost him everything.

As I push the waistband down, his lids fall shut. Tipping his head back, he lets his skull tap the metal wall with a dull thud.

The count barely leaves him, but I follow it anyway if only to cling to some semblance of structure.

He keeps his eyes closed, drags air in through his nose. Holds it. Lets it out slowly. Does it again.

Wait—