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Dick snickered. “That’s funny. I heard it was the bathroom at Denny’s.”
“You knew?” I smacked his arm, using the closed-fist “frogging” technique Jenny used to use on me.
“Ow!” he yelled. “Yes, I knew. Missy told me she’s heard it from a bunch of people! And then some ass-hat tax attorney in there asked if it was true that you had ‘exotic piercings.’” As my face contorted in alternate waves of disbelief and nausea, he assured me, “I told him no!”
“You knew people were saying those things about me, and you didn’t do anything?” I cried. “You couldn’t have told me that your girlfriend knew?”
“They were saying those things about me, too!” he exclaimed, laughing as he halfheartedly fended off my blows. “You don’t hear me complaining.”
“People say those things about you all the time.” I grunted, hitting him again.
“Well, yes, but I’m used to getting credit for the bad things I’ve actually done, not just things I’ve thought about.”
“Do you have any idea who would say stuff like this?”
“You mean, besides me, because it would really piss off Gabriel?”
“It’s not you, though, right? Because I would have to hurt you.”
Dick reached into a little blue Coleman cooler and pulled out a beer for me. “It’s not me, but only because I hadn’t thought of it. I wouldn’t get all worked up about it, Stretch. I mean, all of these vampires don’t have anything better to do than sit around gossiping like a bunch of old fishwives. It’ll blow over as soon as someone else lands on their radar. Just ignore it.”
I used the deck railing to pop off the cap and clink the bottle against his. “This has been an extremely crappy week.”
“Well, tell your good friend Dick all about it,” he said, patting a spot on the railing. “It’ll keep me from having to talk to any of those yuppie freaks in there.”
“What are you even doing here?” I asked. “I thought you and Missy had one of those ‘no strings’ friends-with-benefits things going.”
“Me, too,” he said, pursing his lips. “I don’t know what happened. She called and told me about our spin on the rumor mill.
And she started pouting and fussing, and before I knew it, I was apologizing. For things I hadn ’t even done! And then, to make it up to her, she made me promise I’d come to this thing tonight. She talked in circles until I don ’t even remember most of the conversation. She is a hell of a salesman.”
“Saleswoman,” I corrected.
“Whatever. All I know is, I’m not allowed to take my beer into the house because Missy says it doesn’t match the theme.
Which is just fine with me. And now you’re here, so the evening’s not a total waste.”
“Well, thanks.”
“So, how are you and Captain Gloom and Doom getting along?”
“If you’re referring to Gabriel, we’re getting along just fine, thank you.”
“Haven’t done the deed yet, huh?”
“Wh-what kind of question is that?” I gasped. “Oh, is this one of those smell things again? Because that’s just gross.”
“No, it’s not a smell issue, even though you downright reek of his manly sobriety. I can tell because you ’re still capable of humor. What’s wrong? Is Gabriel too prim and proper to get beyond a good-night handshake?”
“I am not going to talk about this with you!” I exclaimed.
“Why not? If you’re not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends.”
“You’re a twisted little man.”
“Come on, Stretch, share with the class.”
“No!” I laughed.
