Page 70 of Somebody To Love

I made a noncommittal sound and drove away. On my drive home, all I could think of was what Dana had said. And then it had me thinking back to the fight I had with Ty and what he had said. We had been really nasty towards each other. We had both said things that were pretty unforgivable. How could we possibly move past that?

And did I even want to? Did he want to? I didn’t know. But I knew as I texted him that I was done being the victim as he so aptly called me. I wanted to take control over my love life. And this would be the first step. I had let so many different obstacles stop me from falling in love, like really in love.

I think I chose the worst not just because they wouldn’t reject me but also because with them I could hold back a part of me. I hadn’t held back with Ty. And truth be told no matter what happened I wouldn’t be that scared person I had once been. I wouldn’t be afraid to love. I wouldn’t overcomplicate things. I would just let myself be loved. That was scary. Besides my friends, I felt that everyone else who loved me in my life had done so under certain conditions. I wanted to see more than anything if Ty could forgive me and love me unconditionally. I wouldn’t accept anything else.

To my surprise, Ty texted me back immediately. “I can meet you tonight,” he said. “Eight?”

“That’s fine,” I texted back.

That evening, I waited with baited breath for Ty to show up. I had changed clothes at least five times. I didn’t want to look eager, but I also didn’t want to look sloppy. I had specialized in sloppy over the past few weeks and it was not a good look.

I put on a plain white cotton dress, a pair of sandals and earrings in the shape of stars. I brushed my hair back into a pony-tail and just waited for him.

At 8 o’clock sharp a knock sounded at my door. I had arranged for him to come over to my place so that we could talk in private, but now I was nervous at the thought of being around him. When I opened the door, that nervousness spiked. I was tongue-tied, so I just gestured for him to come in.

He was dressed as if he had just attended a meeting. He was wearing a suit and carrying a cross-body bag that seemed to be some sort of briefcase.

“You’re a little overdressed, aren’t you?”

He looked down at his clothes as he came in and smiled ruefully, “I came straight from the airport.”

“Where were you when I texted you?”

“A conference in Atlanta.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised. “So you haven’t had a chance to go home yet and change...”

“I figured this was more important,” he said, looking at me as if trying to remember every detail, every feature. I was uneasy under his gaze. I felt raw and emotional now he was standing here in front of me. But I also felt a weird emotion, one I could only describe as relief. He was here and for some reason, that made my world feel brighter. I knew that feeling was love.

I turned away from his penetrating stare, and gestured for him to sit down.

He took off his bag and sat down at the kitchen table. “So you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah.” I was unsure how to start. I opened my mouth to speak, but he was faster.

“I didn’t expect you to contact me. Your text caught me by surprise.”

“After what happened between us the last time we were together, I didn’t think I would ever want to see you again.”

He placed his hands on the table and folded them together. “After what I said and did, I wouldn’t blame you.”

“That’s just it, I think we need to stop blaming each other.”

“Is that your way of saying that I get a second chance?”

I shook my head. “This is just my way of saying that I’m ready to listen.”

“I guess I’ll take that for now.”

“You’ll have to, because that’s all I’m offering.” Wow, I sounded tough. Where had this confident version of myself been hiding?

“I guess I’ll start at the beginning.”

“Please do.”

“First of all, I never read your evaluation, Sylvia handles all that. I never violated your privacy...” He looked up at me, waiting for me to say something, but I wanted to hear more first. He continued, “When I met you at the school I had no idea you were a client.”

“When did you find out?”