Page 94 of The Corruption of Hollis Brown

I just . . . I figured if I came back to Rose Town, I could go to that room and find that door, and if I was lucky enough it would be there waiting for me.

But now, you tell me—you told me—that there are spirits not at rest in this place that I left. Ghosts that are angry and confused and destroying anything that tries to take root there, and it’s my fault. Everything is always my fault.

Pyromania

They didn’t speak for a half hour. Hollis just stared at the ground.

He wiped their nose with the sleeve of their coat and leaned back into the hollow.

I don’t know what to say, Walt.

Hollis.

Everything bad that’s ever happened to everyone I know . . .

I know.

I can’t even be like “Oh, how come you didn’t tell me?” because I know why you didn’t say anything. I get it.

Walt didn’t respond, but Hollis could hear him thinking, hear him worry.

You understand now why I . . . can’t. Why I don’t deserve you.

Yeah, I get why you feel that way too.

Hollis wiped their face again.

Stop fucking making us cry, I’m not going to turn into Sam, but I don’t feel like crying for you right now.

I’m sorry.

What happened with Toji. Did you ever see him again?

Walt shook their head.

I looked him up once, just to see how he was doing, back in the 1960s, but he’d already passed. Y’know he didn’t even live in Rose Town anymore when he came to pick up his cash? He’d moved to Chicago. We just never managed to run into each other again.

Hollis sighed, rubbed their temples.

He hugged me though, right there in the middle of the street. In the body of that street sweeper. Let me cry and apologize and say goodbye even though I was getting his suit all dirty and people were looking hard.

He knew I was weak; he got it. He’s better than me, always will be.

I get why looking at Annie fucks you up now, I guess.

I didn’t expect his family to still be here. That hurt me worse than his eyes in her head. Toji might have gotten out, but he either moved back for some reason, or he was the only one who ever got to leave.

Ninety-two years, huh?

Hollis dug in their pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes. There were only four left.

I understand this now too. Fucking need one after that fucking shit.

Walt took their arms and face.

I can do it myself.

It means something when you do it for me. I don’t want this to ruin that.