AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Well, I could ask Dick about that trunkload of pirated Knight Rider DVDs I gave him the year before …
“So, we’ll just put you down to head the prize committee.”
“It’s just my first meeting,” I said. “I don’t know if I’m qualified—”
Head Courtney’s eyes narrowed. “There’s no better way to get to know us better than just to throw yourself into the work. Really, it’s the best way to make friends here at the chamber, showing what a team player you can be. You do want us to think you’re a team player, don’t you?”
Why wasn’t my sister in this club? Seriously?
“I’m willing to help with—”
“Great!” Head Courtney cried, interrupting my attempt at shirking the games in favor of decorations or something less “commitment-y.” “Lisa will give you all of the information from last year.”
From across the room, Lisa rolled her eyes and shared a commiserating look with me. This was followed by a report from the jack-o’-lantern committee and the treat committee, who lamented the lack of volunteers for making gluten-free snacks. I had never so earnestly wished that I could die of natural causes. Boredom was a natural cause, right? After the game committee and the inflatable committee, I wondered whether there was anyone in the room who was not on a committee.
“Now, the planning committee has come up with a list of acceptable costumes. I know some of you older members like to get started on your kids’ costumes early.”
The oldest member in the room looked to be about thirty-five. And she did not look as if she took that as a compliment.
I raised my hand. “So, wait, this is a Halloween party?”
“No, if we call it a Halloween party, some families won’t come. So it’s a Fall Festival.”
“But we’re going to have pumpkins … and costumes … and candy.”
Head Courtney glared down at me. “Is there going to be a problem, Jane?”
There could be a problem. Believe it or not, vampires tend to hole up on All Hallows Eve and refuse to come out until the last trick-or-treater has been dragged home kicking and screaming. You’d stay home, too, if you were confronted with a holiday that parades around the worst cultural stereotypes pertaining to your particular species—bluish pallor, black capes, stupid accents exaggerated by clownish fangs—and presents it as “all in good fun.”
“Right, sorry,” I said. “It’s just that … is the chamber really supposed to hold fund-raisers?” I asked. “I thought the Chamber of Commerce was about community building and economic development, bringing in new employers—”
“Well, this is the way we run the Chamber of Commerce,” Head Courtney said through gritted teeth. “The Half-Moon Hollow Animal Shelter is a cause we’ve supported for years. Why, just last year, we collected five thousand dollars in cash donations.”
“People will just give you cash for the shelter? Without a carnival?”
Head Courtney’s disapproving sneer was now an all-out death glare.
“Right. Sorry,” I mumbled, staring down into my lap as a sign of submission.
For the rest of the meeting, I sat still and silent, just praying to get out alive. And I was incredibly angry with myself. Why the hell was I afraid of these women? If I wanted to, I could beat them all senseless, take their fancy foufou designer wallets, and make them forget I ever did it.
Not that I would ever do that.
4
The best way to show that you’re independent is actually to be independent. Develop outside interests, attend cultural events, anything to show your wayward vampire mate that you’re not sitting at home pining away.
—Love Bites: A Female Vampire’s Guide to Less
Destructive Relationships
I slunk up my front-porch steps, exhausted and in serious need of sedatives and/or lobotomy instruments. Andrea, on the other hand, looked cool and collected, stretched out on my porch swing, scratching my dog behind the ears, and sipping a tall icy beverage that I promptly stole from her.
“Hey!” she cried. “I used your best liquor to make that! And there wasn’t much to choose from.”
“It’s an emergency,” I told her between swigs of what I think was a daiquiri. Because of my sordid history with the demon alcohol and the inevitably humiliating results, I don’t usually imbibe. But tonight I was making an exception. I slumped onto the swing with Andrea and sighed. “Not that you’re not welcome here at River Oaks, but has it occurred to you that making yourself frosty cocktails while I’m not home is breaking and entering?”
“Yes, it did. But I was thirsty, and you left me your key ring to close up.”
