Page 35 of Stealing a Kilted Heart

“It’s quite alright!” Knox assured him, hands waving wildly in front of him. “It was a surprise, but it’s… truly alright.”

“I was…” Bane said, his voice dropping low until Knox had to strain to hear it, “talkin’ about the sword.”

Knox dragged his gaze over to Arran and then to the sword in his hand. It was one of his own, an old sword with which he couldn’t bear to part and had dulled the blade so he could use it in practice—a beautiful blade indeed, well-balanced and once wickedly sharp, the craftsmanship of which a blacksmith could surely appreciate.

He was talkin’ about the sword!

Of course, he was talking about the sword! Even if he was attracted to Arran, he wouldn’t be so obvious about it! There could be consequences.

Knox cursed under his breath. He had surely made this awkward for Bane and he couldn’t blame him if he never even wished to speak to him again, but he desperately wanted to fix it. Taking a few steps forward, he opened his lips to apologize, but he didn’t even know how to start.

Now he had done it. The look on Bane’s face was one of equal measures of confusion and betrayal, his emotions laid bare for Knox and the whole world to see. Guilt coiled deep in his stomach at the thought that not only had he betrayed Fia’s trust by revealing to Bane that he knew the truth, but he had also chipped away some of the trust Bane had for Fia. Surely, Bane didn’t trust him either now, not anymore, not when he had spoken about something like this in front of everyone—even if he had made sure no one would hear him.

There were people in the clan who, had they heard this conversation, would have done their best to throw Bane in the street.

“Excuse me,” said Bane, already backtracking, walking backwards away from Knox and the training grounds. “There is… somethin’ I must dae.”

Before Knox could say another word, Bane fled, handing his sword to one of the soldiers standing by. It was then that Magnus saw Knox, standing there, dejected and embarrassed beyond any measure, and paused his practice to walk over to him.

“What just happened?” he asked, glancing between Knox and Bane’s retreating back.

Knox sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “When God was blessin’ the world with sense,” he said, “I was standin’ under an awnin’.”

“By God’s bones, why did Laird Stuart think I feel attracted tae… nae lassies?”

Och nay… how did he find out?

Fia froze where she was bent over the workbench, arranging some tools. The healer’s cottage was blessedly empty save for her and Bane, but then again, had there been others there, then Bane wouldn’t have started this conversation and Fia would have been all the happier for it. She turned around slowly, swallowing in a dry throat, only to flinch when she saw the rage in Bane’s eyes.

She had seen that look once before, when she had strayed too far from home one day and he and Tav couldn’t find her. His concern for her, though, had tempered his rage that day. Now, there was nothing to offset it and Fia was about to receive the full extent of his ire.

“Bane—”

“Nay,” said Bane sharply and immediately, Fia’s mouth snapped shut. She gulped audibly; her gaze lowered to the floor. “Nae excuses. Just tell me the truth.”

Fia took in a deep, steadying breath. She didn’t even know where to start with this, since she hadn’t even planned to tell Laird Stuart this lie. It had just been the first thing to pop to her mind so that she could reassure him there was nothing between her and Bane, and it had simply snowballed from there.

“Laird Stuart was very curious about us,” she said carefully, picking each word with intent. “Naye matter what I told him, he didnae believe that we dinnae see each other romantically at all. Ye’ve seen how he is. If I wanted me plan tae succeed, I had tae tell him somethin’.”

“An’ so ye decided tae tell him I like… ye ken!” Bane couldn’t even finish the sentence, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. It was a familiar sight for Fia. It seemed to her as though she brought him to this state often. “Was that the only solution ye could think of?”

“I didnae mean tae!” Fia protested, but even that was weak. She truly had no good excuse; all of this had come to be because she was too scared to let Knox know the truth but also too scared to do anything that would jeopardize their relationship. Now, she had nestled each lie within another lie, until everything had become so convoluted that there was no way out of it. She had dug herself into a hole, but the worst part was that she wasn’t in there alone. She had dragged Bane with her, and the guilt gnawed at her insides, bringing forth a wave of nausea. “Forgive me, Bane, but it was simply the first thing tae come tae mind. I didnae mean tae say it, but then it was suddenly too late.”

Bane sighed, shaking his head as he began to pace back and forth in front of the cottage door. He started to speak, then stopped, then started once again, but no sounds came past his lips other than a frustrated groan.

“Ye’ve made such a mess o’ things,” he said. “Just as I kent ye would. What if he was deeply religious, felt offended and threw me out of the castle fer bein’ a sinner? Or worse, if the laird had thrown me in the dungeons fer sodomy?! I told ye this was a terrible plan.”

It was true, Fia thought. In her attempts to charm the laird, she may have succeeded, but she had also fallen into her own trap. She, too, had been charmed by him. She had fallen for him and his gentle manner, his handsome appearance, his kindness and generosity. Before arriving at the castle, she had thought it would be easy to make him fall for her while remaining in control, impassive, unaffected by his emotions for her, but in the end, she had been nothing but a fool.

Being favored by such a man was flattering to say the least. Fia had been foolish to think she could have tricked him without tricking herself.

It was also true that she had placed Bane in great danger, without even thinking anything of it. She had never once stopped to think what would happen to Bane if Laird Stuart couldn’t stomach the thought of a sodomite in his castle. She had never thought that, devout as he was, he could hate Bane for it, throw him out in the streets, or even have him hanged.

How could I nae think about Bane’s safety at all? How could I put him in such danger without a second thought?

Fia truly didn’t know what had possessed her, but the guilt she felt now was almost enough for her to drown in it. Tears welled up in her eyes, the thought that she had not only risked Bane’s life but that she had also disappointed him weighing heavy in her conscience.

“I ken that,” she said as she threw herself in the nearest chair, and she must have looked so pitiful for Bane to let go of some of his anger and approach her, crouching down before her and placing his hands on her shoulders. “I dae now. An’ I… I dinnae ken how tae fix it, Bane. I… I think I’m fallin’ fer him, me plan be damned. I couldnae care less fer me plan! I never thought I would be but… ach! I’m such a fool!”

“Ye’re nae a fool,” Bane said gently, though he didn’t sound entirely convincing to Fia. “Ye dae foolish things sometimes, but ye’re nae a fool. Perhaps it’s time tae tell him the truth. Tell him about yer plan an’ how ye feel an’ be done with it all.”

Fia shook her head, terrified and wide-eyed. “Nay,” she said. She couldn’t get the image of Callum out of her head, laughing at her as though the year they had spent together had been nothing but a drawn-out, elaborate lie. She couldn’t forget the humiliation, the despair that came with it.

She couldn’t allow herself any more of that humiliation.

“Please… please, can ye simply… just dinnae dae anythin’, ok?” Fia asked. “An’ I’ll dae me best tae stay away from the laird. I cannae tell him the truth, Bane. I cannae. He will hate me.”

She couldn’t tell him the truth, but she also couldn’t keep doing what she had been doing this whole time. Laird Stuart was a good man; he didn’t deserve to be deceived like this. As much as it pained Fia, she knew the only way forward was to forget her plan entirely and pretend none of this had ever happened. With time, the pain of losing him would surely fade, like all things did.

Until then, she would have to avoid him as much as she could, which shouldn’t be a difficult task. She was only a healer and he was the laird. Their paths never needed to cross again.