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Josh was plainly waiting for her to say something else. Rose took a deep breath.
‘Great…Er, have you decided when you’re going to get married yet?’
How hard it was to say those words, as painful as stabbing a knife right into her own heart.
‘As soon as we can. I want you to be there, naturally, although Patsy says she’s a bit worried in case having you as a witness brings us bad luck. She’s only joking, of course.’
‘Of course,’ Rose agreed, keeping to herself her belief that Patsy was not joking at all.
‘Patsy is full of plans for us. She knows all about what went wrong with me and Judy and she says she’s determined to get really involved with my work so that it doesn’t happen to us. That’s another reason why I’m glad we’re seeing one another tonight. You see, there’s something Patsy wants me to discuss with you.’
He was looking uncomfortable again, Rose recognised. Whatever it was Patsy wanted him to discuss with her it obviously wasn’t something she was going to like.
‘If she doesn’t approve of us having dinner together once a month—’ she began, mentally casting around for something that Patsy might want to change.
‘No, it isn’t that. Well, not directly, although…Well, the thing is, Rose, Patsy feels that there’s no reason now why you and I should be business partners any more. And looking at it logically, she’s right. Like she says, I don’t really need…’
‘Me?’ Rose completed his sentence for him. Her voice sounded brittle, she knew, but that was exactly how she felt. Brittle and vulnerable and dangerously fragile. She was close to breaking down completely and bursting into tears. This was the last thing she had been expecting. No matter what, no matter how many girls, or indeed wives, came and went in his life she had felt secure that she would always have the closeness that their being partners afforded her. But now, thanks to the shrewdness of the woman who had taken the role in his life she had longed for, even that comfort was going to be denied her.
Was Patsy’s concern really about the partnership or had she perhaps sensed Rose’s true feelings for Josh?
‘Don’t be like that.’ Josh sounded genuinely upset. ‘You and I will always be friends. Nothing can change that.’ He had reached for her hand before she could stop him and the familiar feel of his fingers curling round her own brought a lump to her throat. Inside her head she could hear the words of the Rolling Stones’ hit record about last times, and her whole body was starting to tremble. Frantically she pulled her hand away from his in case he asked her what was wrong.
‘I’ve so much to be grateful to you for,’ he told her.
Rose couldn’t allow that. ‘You don’t owe me anything. We’ve helped e
ach other,’ she reminded him.
She could see in his face his relief that she wasn’t going to get emotional. Her role in his life was that of a friend, not the woman he loved.
‘Patsy’s right, I should have done something about repaying you before now,’ he was saying. ‘The salons are doing really well, and I can easily afford to buy out your share. It isn’t fair of me to keep you tied up in a relationship with me when you could be using your investment somewhere else.’
Of course it’s fair, she wanted to tell him, the words screaming inside her head like a toddler having a tantrum. I want to be tied to you in every way there is. What isn’t fair is you marrying Patsy and what she’s making you do.
‘What Patsy really wants is for us to have a fresh start and for me to open a salon in New York.’
So this was it. The end of everything.
‘Follow in Vidal’s footsteps, you mean.’
If she was being bitchy and hurting him, then so be it. But instead of taking offence he nodded eagerly.
‘He’s doing really well over there and Patsy says there’s no reason why I shouldn’t do the same. She’s got some contacts in New York and, of course, her family. You’ll have to come over and see us once we’re settled. And no excuses–after all, Ella’s over there.’
Obediently Rose picked up the hint she suspected he was dropping. ‘I’ll tell her what you’re planning, shall I? She’s a junior features editor at Vogue, as you know, but I’m sure she won’t mind mentioning you to the Fashion Department.’
This was the worst evening of her life, worse in its way than the night Arthur Russell had nearly raped her, because, after all, that night she had ended up in Josh’s arms.
It was over, the evening and her poor silly futile dream. Josh was signalling for the bill, eager to get home to Patsy, Rose thought miserably.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Ella sat in the window of her brownstone walk-up, trying to get some air in the stifling heat that was Manhattan in June. She was supposed to be working on the wording for an article for the Christmas issue of Vogue entitled ‘The Giving of Art’. It was about artists’ patrons. But how on earth was she supposed to be able to think about Christmas and snow when the heat was causing sweat to trickle between her breasts?
She had fallen in love with New York from the minute she had arrived in Manhattan in the winter of ’fifty-eight. In those early months she had explored it from end to end, walking most of the time, at least where it was safe to do so, learning about its past and its present, embracing the brio and the passionate attitude of its residents. Feisty, outspoken, brash but never boring, from Broadway to the Bronx, from Central Park to Staten Island, Ella loved it all for everything it was, but most of all for the way it had taken her and forced those changes on her that had turned her from the awkward, uncomfortable, plain girl she had been into the New York woman she was now, a woman who could bargain for what she wanted, who could summon a New York cab, who dressed with confidence. She had gone to parties at Studio 8, and Upper East Side apartments, she had eaten pastrami on rye at diners downtown, and gourmet meals at the Plaza, she had sunbathed in the park in summer and skated on the frozen ponds in winter. She had ridden its subways and walked its avenues. It had given her confidence in herself, and in return she had given it her heart. She’d fallen in love with it so much that she’d started forgetting about taking her diet pills, and then realising that she didn’t need them. New York kept her slim, a healthy natural slimness that had set her free from her bad memories about her weight. Yes, she loved New York, but right now the city felt empty and dull. Because Brad wasn’t in it?
She put aside her notebook. There was no point in trying to work any more; not now that she had let Brad into her thoughts.
