Page 145 of Gold Rush

“There’s nothing to say, Wren.”

She laughs once. “I’m sorry, were you not there this morning? You announced your engagement to Flynn Parks. There has never been more to talk about.”

“It’s all fake. I told you that. We’ll announce it didn’t work out in a few weeks.”

“Correction: You told me it was supposed to be fake, but it felt real. And you told me that you were going to tell him that.”

“I chickened out, okay?”

“Not okay. Tell him, Rory!”

“I can’t, Wren. Every time there’s a chance, I panic. I’m not brave, like you.”

Wren laughs. “Brave? It took me three years to tell Sawyer I was in love with him. Trust me, I get how terrifying it is.”

That might be true. But guys have always gravitated toward Wren. Guys have not always gravitated toward me. I’m bossy. Rigid. Cold. A boring bitch.

“He might be moving back to Boston.”

“Did you ask him to stay?”

I say, “No,” even though she already knows the answer.

“You could move with him.”

I picture it. Giving Rachel my notice. Packing up my apartment. Putting Finch in a carrier.

I would do it. I would move to Boston for him.

Mom’s words echo in my ears. “You’ve never rushed into anything in your life, Rory. If you’re this sure about Flynn, you two must have something very special.”

I think we do. But I can’t shake the fear that Molly and Cammie and the many other women all felt the same way. That Flynn is the special half of the equation.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Wren asks.

That I can never face Flynn again. That I ruin Kit’s oldest friendship because I couldn’t keep my feelings in check. If I don’t tell Flynn I’m in love with him, I can continue to pretend I’m not. I can see him at Kit’s wedding and his kids’ birthday parties and act like I’m fine.

“The only way I’ll get through another breakup is if it’s not real.”

“I think it’ll feel real whether you tell Flynn or not.”

I think Wren is right.

So, I resume staring out the window.

My sister sighs, then turns the music back up until I wish I’d packed earplugs.

44

Perry walks into the sports bar, wearing a sweater and jeans. I’m still in the navy suit I put on this morning for the post-wedding brunch. Since getting dressed, I’ve gotten engaged, and it sort of feels like I got dumped as well.

“Hey.” Perry hovers by the stool beside mine. “Thought you’d changed your mind about this.”

“Work’s been busy.”

He takes a seat. “Heard you landed the Clarke Infrastructure account. Congrats.”

Clarke Infrastructure reminds me of Lloyd Clarke, which reminds me of our conversation last night, which is—I think—the reason Rory announced our engagement so abruptly earlier. She had realized what I wanted the money for and was trying to get me it as soon as possible. Or she just got tired of pretending to be with me. Maybe her conversation with Knox was what had sparked that urgency.