Page 118 of Bonds of Shame, Bonds of Lust

"That's my girl."

Then hard, fast, deep. "Please don't stop," I was saying it over and over, "please don't stop—"

"Come for me, Lacey."

And I did, like he'd ordered it out of me, like even that was his, clamping down on him so hard I screamed, pushing up against his hands where they pinned me, back arched off the bed, my whole body going off at once, everything I'd held down my entire life finally, finally let loose.

It seemed to go on forever and I screamed through it, and I could hear myself, and I heard him say, low, "Yeah. That's right."

And just as I was coming down, he came, hard, slamming up against my pubic bone, bruising, and I wanted even that. He sank his teeth into my nipple while he did it, gasping, and the pain went where all of it had been going all night. Then slower, and slower, and I could feel him spilling into me.

He didn't collapse on me the way I thought he would. He held himself up, still buried, still grinding against my clit until I couldn't tell them apart.

Then he pulled out.

"Clean me up, Lacey. With your mouth."

I didn't hesitate. I crawled down the bed and took him in my mouth, tasting him and me together, and I did it because he told me to and because I wanted to, and I'd stopped being able to tell those two things apart.

He put his hand in my hair and stroked it, once.

"Every time," he said. "Every time we fuck, you clean me with your mouth."

I nodded around him.

Every time, I thought. And under it, greedy, already afraid of the answer: How many times do I get to have this?

He pulled me back up to his chest.

I was shaking, inside and out, both at once. I felt cracked open in a way I had no defense for. I didn't know what he wanted now but I would do anything, if he'd just tell me.

"It's okay." His hand came up into my hair, slow. "It's okay, Lacey. Relax. You were perfect. You were beautiful."

He kissed me, soft, nothing left of the man who'd just used me, and it landed harder than any of it had.

"Are you okay? Are you with me?"

I didn't understand why he was asking. It was also the exact thing I needed to hear. I felt like I was surfacing from somewhere with no name, coming up out of deep water, or being born. I couldn't have told you which.

"Yes," I said, automatic. "Yes. I'm fine. I'm wonderful."

"Just relax. Give me a second."

He got up and walked out, and for those few seconds I was alone in his bed, naked in a way that frightened me. Not exposed. Abandoned, the drop coming up fast under me. Then he was back, a bottle of water in his hand, and the floor came back with him.

"Sit up, beautiful."

I did. He knelt beside the bed and held the bottle to my mouth. "Here. Drink."

He held it while I drank, while I blinked myself the rest of the way back into the room.

His thumb moved on my cheek. "How you doing?"

I looked at him, and I was still humming, but now I knew what it was.

"That was unbelievable."

53 - BATTER MY HEART