Page 43 of Bonds of Shame, Bonds of Lust

The new Lacey caught the question and didn't have an answer. Didn't need one. The sixty-percent woman was at eighty percent now. The forty-percent woman was being voted out.

When Ricardo and I came back to the table, Janice was sitting on the lap of a young Black man I'd never seen before.

I stopped short.

He was tall even sitting down, broad-shouldered, close-cropped fade, easy smile, wearing a fitted black button-down with the sleeves rolled up. Janice was perched sideways across his legs, one arm looped around his neck, entirely at home. She looked flushed and happy.

"Hey, guys!" She waved us over like nothing was unusual, which, in this place, I was learning, it wasn't. "This is James. We sort of planned to meet here if things went well with you two." Her smile was bright, entirely unapologetic. "And it looks like things went very well."

James gave a small nod, respectful, his eyes direct. "Nice to meet you both."

Janice stood, closing the gap. "Look at you," she said, and pulled me into a hug away from Ricardo. Her perfume mixed with the scent still on me. She took my hand, squeezed.

"How do you feel?"

I half-laughed. "It was great."

Ricardo took a step back, easy. "I'll get us drinks," he said, and headed for the bar.

Janice leaned in. "Do tell."

Then James stood. "I see you ladies need some girl time. Have a good night." And he strolled away.

We sat. I told her. The room. The bed. Pushing his head down. How I'd demanded more. How I'd taken him in my mouth after, and I didn't leave out the clumsiness, the teeth, the shock of it, the swallowing and not stopping. My voice stayed steady. My cheeks burned.

I finished and shrugged. "This must be boring to you."

Janice leaned closer. "Nothing about you is boring, Lacey." There was a sheen on her face, and she was closer than she usually sat. As she started to lean back, I leaned in and kissed her, light, just on the lips.

I hadn't thought about it. I just did it.

Her eyes were bright when I pulled back.

Ricardo returned then and set the drinks down. Vodka soda for me. Orange juice for Janice. Something dark for himself.

On the way home the city lights slid past in long amber streaks. Janice kept the radio low, a slow bass line that matched the hum still moving through me. She drove satisfied in a way she hadn't been on the drive over.

"You kept going," she said. "Every time I figured you'd hit your limit, you didn't."

I watched the streetlights. "I'm adaptable, apparently."

"You're more than that." She glanced over. "You felt it, didn't you? What it's like when the rules aren't someone else's."

"Yeah."

The true version was that I hadn't noticed the rules going.

"I came in with a list," I said. "Things I wasn't going to do tonight." I exhaled. "I think I cleared most of them in the first hour. The ones I couldn't get past, Ricardo let me keep. I don't know what I'd have done if he'd pushed."

She raised an eyebrow. The slow grin. "So why have them?"

The question settled heavy in the car.

"Because there's a wildness in me. An animal that's been locked up so long it forgot what running feels like. And if I just open the door and let it go without thinking—" I shrugged. "I don't know what it'll do."

Janice laughed, bright. "God, I love that for you. You've spent your whole life being the good girl. I can't wait to meet whoever comes out when she finally runs." A pause. "Maybe with Ricardo."

"Maybe," I said.