Page 45 of Bonds of Shame, Bonds of Lust

"I've been looking forward to it too," I said.

He looked slightly puzzled at that, like it hadn't occurred to him I might mean it. I nodded at Jessica, who was already reaching for my hand. "She's my favorite. I'll never tell the others."

He laughed then, brief and surprised. "Well, I knew it wasn't because you enjoy spending time with me."

I reached over and touched his arm without thinking. Muscular under the shirt, solid. I'd never let myself notice that before. "You're not so bad, Derek. You just need to listen to the doctor." I turned toward the corridor before he could respond. "Come on. Let me show you what your money built."

The pediatric wing would be opening in three weeks, the thing I'd fought for in budget meetings three years running. Wide bright hallways, murals on every wall, a giraffe in a stethoscope, somewhere for a scared kid's eyes to go that wasn't the fluorescent lights and the closed doors. My pride and joy. The kind of place that made the brutal hours feel like they had a point.

We started in the welcome lobby, where a row of touchscreens let kids build virtual hearts, adding chambers and valves like brightly colored digital blocks.

Jessica's eyes went enormous. "Whoa. Can I try?"

"Go for it."

She planted herself at the nearest screen and tapped with intense focus, adding sparkles, a rainbow, a star on each ventricle. The virtual heartbeat quickened on the screen in response, glowing pink and gold.

Derek stood with his arms crossed, watching her, the faint smile settling warmer. "She's obsessed with this stuff. Tells everyone she's going to be a heart doctor when she grows up."

"She's got the right instincts for it," I said. "Curiosity and stubbornness. That's most of what the job requires."

He glanced sideways at me, and something moved in his expression, quick, unguarded, then gone. "She comes by stubbornness honestly."

Jessica looked up, triumphant. "Look, Daddy! I made a heart with sparkles and wings! Like Dr. Lacey's charm!"

He moved to her immediately, crouching to her level, his large hand resting beside hers on the screen as he pointed to the anatomy she'd accidentally gotten right. "That's perfect, Jess. See this part? That's exactly where the pulmonary valve goes." His voice when he spoke to her was lower, warmer, stripped of all the edges. "Keep pushing. Make it even bigger next time."

She leaned into his side. "You're the best daddy ever."

He ruffled her hair. His face, for just that moment, was completely open. "And you're the strongest girl ever. Don't you ever forget that."

I looked away and gave them the moment. When I looked back he was carefully arranging her hair again. Jessica seemed to just ignore it.

The play therapy room was sunlit, books and toys and a low padded climbing wall scaled for small bodies. Jessica made a beeline for the bin of stuffed animals and came up hugging a plush bear with a fabric bandage stitched to its chest.

"This bear has a boo-boo heart like me." She held it up for my inspection. "Is he going to be okay?"

I examined the bear with appropriate gravity. "He's got the best doctors in the building. He's going to be completely fine."

She hugged it tighter, satisfied, then looked up at the climbing wall. "Can I climb it?"

Derek moved toward the base of the wall. "Show her how strong you are, Jess."

I stepped forward. "Let's take it slow, though. Easy steps, no racing to the top."

Derek glanced at me, eyebrow lifting. "She's been climbing the stairs at home two at a time. She's been practicing. She needs to build confidence, not be smothered in bubble wrap."

"A little challenge is good for most kids," I said, keeping my voice even. "For Jessica, we work within her safe zone. The wall is low, but if she pushes past her body's signals and her sats dip—"

"Her sats are fine." His jaw tightened. "Her last reading was ninety-four at rest."

"Which is good. And I want to keep it that way."

Jessica was already at the base of the wall, looking up at the first handhold with total determination. "I can do it, Dr. Lacey. Watch."

I weighed it. The wall was padded. The floor was padded. It was designed for exactly this. And she was already committed. Pulling her back now would send a message that her body was a cage rather than a tool.

"Okay," I said. "Slow steps. Daddy stays right below you."