Page 154 of The Thief and the Traitor Bride

“But then I met you… and then you became my entire world. But the longer we were together, the more she asked of me, it was like the less I could have of you. I hated keeping secrets from you, Nore. And I would lie and say I was working a show or a class, and I’d be out on her business. I’d wash the blood from my hands and come to find you in our bed, and I just couldn’t bear it anymore. So when we agreed to marry, I told her I was done.”

Nore drew a breath—she hadn’t thought, at the time, that she was asking him to give up anything. She chewed her lip, thinking of his letters. “And she named the price for your freedom.”

“Yes,” he said, coming close, taking her hands, pressing them to his lips. “A sum owed for all the years she’d taken care of my life in Lindan—or else she would find my beloved wife and tell her about my work, and it would ruin everything.”

Nore opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. “I killed for her, Nore. In the duchess’s name, there was blood on my hands, but there was no guarantee you would see it that way—you would only see me as a thief, and a murderer, and a stranger.”

Nore held her tongue. He was right. No matter what Celestine had asked of him, she would’ve found a way to place the blame on Cas. And Nore, ensnared by her aunt’s charm, would’ve believed her in a heartbeat.

“I had no other choice—I knew I had the skills to be a hired thief, so I started working for private employers to earn more, in the hopes of buying out my contract. I thought it was just a matter of biding my time—when the business was yours or Edith stepped down, surely you would listen to me and move operations, get out of Nettlepool. I just had to stay free long enough for that to happen. I was playing a fool’s game, and recklessly at that—but I was too confident, and I’d never been caught before, partially because I’d spent years stealing with the crown’s protection at my back.

“Celestine caught on, of course, when I was able to pay back her exorbitant fees without you noticing. But she was patient—more patient than you or me. I took more risky contracts for more pay, thinking she’d long since stopped caring, as long as she got her money back. Most of the artifacts I was after had been stolen, then sold on the black market—I think she suspected I would figure out she was behind at least some of it and perhaps use that as leverage if she did ever reveal my past to you. I stole them back—but that didn’t matter when it came to Celestine. She didn’t want me working for anyone else, and the way she found to cause the most damage was to set you after me. I realized soon enough that she was tracking me down, but I thought it was just another game of hers, an empty threat—I had no idea she’d gotten you involved.”

“You didn’t know I was a spy,” Nore said, her hand resting on his.

“I didn’t,” he said. “I didn’t even realize Celestine de Roullier was Dove until it was too late. I knew the duchess of Arlowe was your aunt, and of course I knew she had some hand in your position—but Nore, most of her spies have no idea who Dove even is, for her safety.” He paused. “When I was a boy, when she took me on and made me feel special, I convinced myself she loved me like family; so I couldn’t fault you, her flesh and blood, for feeling the same. Until I saw your scars, I really did think she favored you.” He shook his head. “She used our relationship for leverage—because of course, if it came down to it, you would pick Celestine over me.”

Nore drew a breath. “I asked her,” she said, “if we could marry.” She chewed her lip, remembering those days in which it felt like everything was so perfectly under her control. “And right before she set me after you, I asked if I could leave Nettlepool. You wanted to, and I knew I was the only thing holding you back.”

His breath caught, like he couldn’t believe she would actually have considered it.

“I wanted to make you happy,” Nore amended, realizing how foolish it all sounded: I wanted to make you happy, but not if it meant telling the truth.

“She played us both for fools. Unsurprising.” He rubbed a thumb over the back of her hand, and Nore remembered how desperately she’d craved Celestine’s favor when she was just a girl. “I’m not sure she can love anyone, Nore.”

“Perhaps not.” Definitely not either of them.

Caspian studied his hands. She wondered what he saw, if he took in how she had changed the topography of his body. Nore twisted her hands, taking his more firmly, forcing herself to confront the absence of his finger.

Nore bit her lip, reorganizing her understanding of him. “Okay. So, she sent you to Idistra, and you deserted. And then…?” Nore shook her head. “I just don’t understand, after all this time, why you came back to Lindan. Why you were in Nettlepool in the first place.”

His thumb had been rubbing circles into the back of her hand; now, it stilled. “I was working for Cleoc.”

Nore’s mind went completely, curiously blank. “What?”

“I joined your mission as a spy for the High Lady of Cleoc Strata. I was on a mission for her—one of her spies had detected the Nestrian plot, and that there was some connection between Nestria and Lindan. Cleoc sent me. Getting caught was an accident, truly—but Celestine didn’t know of my arrangement with Cleoc, and it was easy to lie about my actual intent.”

Nore stared at him, open-mouthed. All possible things—and yet, she had not considered this. She tried to think back to any moment he had even mentioned Cleoc Strata or let on that he knew anything—he had not revealed his hand when they talked about Locke’s allies, but he had mentioned fighting for Cleoc when they’d met with the Scaelan solicitor, and again with Garna. Then, she’d thought nothing of it. Now, she cursed herself for not giving it another moment of introspection.

“After the war,” he said, “I became a spy for Cleoc’s court. I couldn’t go back to Luthar, but she offered me clemency. After my work for her ended, we parted amicably. I went to Nadira, realized I didn’t want to be a monk, and then I came back and worked for Cleoc Strata. Not consistently—she never trapped me in vows but let me come and go as I pleased.” Caspian shrugged. “She wrote to me when the Nestrian plot was detected—she knew I had previous ties to Lindan and might be of use.”

Nore stared at him, more of the pieces shifting into place. “You… you…” She couldn’t make sense of it all. Cleoc and Locke were allies, so… “You knew about Locke and the Viper, didn’t you?”

“No,” Cas said. “But now that I know, I think Cleoc always has.”

“Why would you ever consider coming back to Lindan? Even if you liked Cleoc?”

“Because I wanted to go,” he said simply. He shrugged. “Perhaps I missed the rush of a job. Or maybe I thought, if I only worked hard enough, I could find a way to set you free.”

“You didn’t tell me,” she said, oddly embarrassed by the chord of hurt in her tone. But then she met his gaze, and she could read it. “Because Celestine didn’t know, and you didn’t want her to—and you didn’t trust me to keep it to myself.”

“I promised myself I’d never do anything again to help her or Lindan,” he said solemnly. “Unless it directly served to rescue you.”

“But you took this mission. Even though you knew it could help Lindan, and I may not have been convinced.”

Cas nodded. “I have been trying to save you from her for years, Nore. I wasn’t going to say no to one last chance.”

“You played me for a fool, Cas.”