Page 59 of Be the Serpent

“Yeah, kids have this nasty habit of being their own people, no matter what we want,” I said blandly, and set my hands back on the hilts of my knives. “But please, keep talking.”

“Why?”

“Because I came here to save my friend and stop you, and you’ve told me, in no uncertain terms, that she can’t be saved.” I looked at her coldly. “The longer you talk, the easier that is for me to believe. The more I believe it, the easier it’s going to be for me to kill you. So please, keep talking. If Stacy’s really gone, she won’t blame me for doing whatever I have to do in order to save her children.”

“Please,” said Titania. It was a dismissal, not a plea. “I’ve had dozens of children. Hundreds, maybe. I lost count before this country was born, before Camelot had fallen. What are five mewling brats sired by a half-human man? They’re nothing. Their destruction costs Faerie nothing.”

“Jessica was going to be a veterinarian when she grew up,” I said. “She was scared of horses after what happened to her, but she thought being scared of them wasn’t a good enough reason not to take care of them, so she was going to work with as many kinds of domestic animal as she could be trained for. She knew that the broader she made her knowledge, the shallower it would be, but she also knew she had more time than even the best human vet could hope for, and she was going to change the world. She liked silly movies where people started singing for no good reason. I once saw her act out half of Shrek like a one-woman show just to get on her brother’s nerves. And she didn’t like me very much, because I reminded her of a really terrible thing that had happened to her, and that was okay, that was fine, because it wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t my fault and it was just the way the world was going to be. She loved me anyway. She loved her mother and her father and her siblings, and she was the only Jessica Brown in all of Faerie, and knowing she was Firstborn doesn’t change any part of that, and now she’s gone, and we’re less because of it. Faerie is less because of it. You cost Faerie everything when you took her away.”

The smell of roses was getting stronger. This tactic of “talk to Titania endlessly because you know you can’t take her in a physical fight” wasn’t going to work forever.

Then she blinked, and when she opened her eyes, the crystallization was gone. It was just Stacy, looking back at me, broken and battered and terrified, but undiluted. “Toby?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Jessica’s dead, isn’t she?”

I pulled out the little bottle Oberon had given me, taking another furtive sip of his blood before I answered. If this was a trick, if Titania’s magic was gathering in the room because she was getting ready to launch an attack, I was going to be ready.

The smell of roses was no stronger than it had been before. Putting the stopper back in the bottle, I tucked it away in my pocket and swallowed.

“Yeah, Stacy, she is. I’m sorry.”

She looked at her hands like she’d never seen them before. “I didn’t kill her. I know no one’s going to believe that, but I didn’t. She did. She’s still here, and she’s so much bigger than I am that I don’t think I can hold on for very long, and I think she’s always been here.”

“That sounds right, yeah.” I moved around to her side of the table, breathing in the smell of pancakes and bacon—fresh enough to overwrite the roses, if only for a moment—in order to fold her into my arms. She clung to me like she was being blown away by a hard wind, and this was the only way she could stay where she belonged, shaking like a leaf.

“I’m sorry,” she moaned, and pressed her face against my arm. “I’m sorry, Toby, I’m sorry for every bad thing I ever thought or did or said to anyone, and she shoved me to the side when Anthony came in, she pushed me out of the way like I was nothing, and she was going to hurt the boys, but then Jessica put herself between her and them, and she hurt Jessica instead, and she used my body to do it. She hurt my baby with my body, and I’m almost glad I don’t get to stay, because I can’t live here anymore. I can’t live inside a body that hurt my little girl.”

“No,” I said. “Stacy, no. Don’t give up. We’ll find a way to fix this. Oberon is in Muir Woods. I can call Arden, have her bring him here, and we’ll make him clean up his own damn mess.”

She sniffled, tilting her face up to look at me. “He’s not going to choose me over his wife, and you know it. She’s going to win, and he’s going to choose her, and I’m going to disappear, and I’m glad. I don’t want to live in a world where I killed my baby.”

“Stacy . . . ” I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to hers. “I’m not letting you give up.”

“I’m not giving up,” she said, and pulled back, almost laughing. “I’m asking you for help. I’m asking you to be a hero. I’m asking you to kill me.”

“What?”

“I know that’s what you came here to do. Well, I’m giving you permission. This may be the last time I get to be in charge. It’s not safe for me to go to wherever my children are. She’d be there, and she’d be able to get them through me. So we need to end this. Please. Kill me.”

I pulled away from her, straightening up, horrified. “Stacy, I—”

“Came here perfectly prepared to kill the Summer Queen, didn’t you? I see you taking little sips of something that I’m guessing protects you from her. You sent Tybalt away. Well, no one’s protecting me. This is how you protect me. You stop her from hurting anyone else.”

I stared at her, speechless.

“How many times have I bailed you out of trouble? Even when you didn’t want to be saved, I was always there to save you. Even when you said we should all walk away and let you fall, I was standing by, because you were my friend. Please, Toby. Please. Be my friend one more time. Finish this.”

The air still smelled like breakfast, without a trace of blood, but the roses were working their way back. She wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. I exhaled slowly, putting my hands on the hilts of my knives, and looked at her as levelly as I could.

“I love you,” I said. “I love you more than I love myself, Anastasia Brown. You were the best part of me, and I hate that she’s been lurking inside you this whole time, but she never touched you. She never tainted you. You were perfect. And I’m so sorry.”

I drew my knives and lunged for her, silver in my left hand, antler in my right, tears blurring my vision.

Stacy smiled wanly as I moved, and for a moment, it seemed like this was all going to end so much more easily—so much more horribly—than I ever could have hoped for. Then she blinked, and when she opened her eyes again, they were pink and white and crystalline with prismatic shards that broke the light into terrible rainbows. She smiled. She didn’t move. She didn’t have to move, because I wasn’t moving anymore.

Because the bowl of mixed berries she had placed on the table was suddenly a riot of briars and clinging vines, wrapping themselves around me like the tendrils of some terrible beast, stopping me where I was, keeping me from reaching her. I snarled and tried to break free, which only made them twine tighter, pulling me back.