Page 49 of Backpacking through Bedlam

“Well, we’re going to New York, and they have some of the best pizza in the country,” I said. “Every kind of pizza you can think of.”

Sally turned to look at me, shaking her head a little, like she was coming out of a daze. “I’m lactose intolerant,” she said.

“Vegan cheese exists, if that’s what floats your boat,” I said. “And Lactaid. Did you make it to the bathroom before you got caught in the siren song of the pepperoni?”

She shook her head. I smiled.

“It’s always hard to reintegrate once I’ve been on the road for a while,” I said. “After my first long trip, I ate my body weight in chocolate, threw up, and then did it again, because I’d forgotten how much I loved the stuff until it was in front of me again. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Really?”

“Really-really. You’re a Price now, and we take care of our own. And we do not allow our own to eat lousy fast-food pizza after going without for ten years.”

Sally laughed, and kept laughing as we walked to the bathroom. There were a lot of adjustments ahead, for all of us, but I was increasingly sure that we were going to weather them just fine.

Darius started the car as soon as Sally and I got back in and fastened our belts, and we pulled out of the truck-stop parking lot a little faster than we’d pulled in.

“Something wrong?” I asked.

“We’re on a timetable, and I don’t want to be late,” he said.

I blinked. Thomas, however, got there first. “A timetable? For what?” he asked.

“The Lady didn’t say. She just wants you in New York before three, and I do what she tells me.”

“Wait,” said Sally. “I know my geography pretty well. That’s not possible.”

Darius laughed. “First time?”

“Sally didn’t know what a routewitch was before yesterday,” I said. “Let’s play nice with the new kid.”

“Ah,” he said, in sudden understanding. “Well, Sally, is there anything you need to know? We’ve got a few hours yet before we get where we’re going.”

“I still don’t know what a routewitch is,” said Sally sourly. “I asked, and you all kept talking and ignored me.”

Thomas winced. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking stung. “I didn’t mean to ignore your question.”

“A routewitch is a human person with a natural connection to the road,” said Darius. “If someone’s connection is strong enough, they may be able to use it to do magic, mostly associated with travel. I’m one of the best there is at subtly bending distance. I can cover a hundred miles of real space in three miles of road space if I’m in the zone and have my baby with me.” He caressed the car again.

“Okay, what is with the car?” I asked.

“She doesn’t run on gas, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s a special model. Rolled off the assembly line and straight onto the Ocean Lady, where we made a few modifications. She won’t even start for anyone but me, and for me, she’ll drive until she falls apart.” Darius leaned back in his seat, taking his hands off the wheel. The car didn’t swerve even a little, just kept rolling straight and easy down the center of the lane. “I’m honestly extraneous here, except that she wouldn’t be able to go as far, as fast without me here to act as a sort of bonus battery. We boost each other.”

“But how is that possible?” asked Sally. “The laws of physics aren’t negotiable.”

Darius laughed, and the sound was loud and joyous as he set his hands back on the wheel. “Sure they are. There’s no law that’s not negotiable, if you know how to get your shoulder against it and push. Speed limits only apply if you respect them. Try telling a sylph about conservation of mass, or a jink about probability.”

“She doesn’t know what those things are yet,” said Thomas. “I don’t know how much the Ocean Lady told you about my situation . . . ?”

“Not much. You’re not her problem, except right now, when your people are bothering her routewitches. We have a lot of folks in the New York area, and even if we didn’t, those Covenant assholes are like mold. Once they take root, they spread until they’ve covered everything. This is her place, her continent. She’s a new god, but she’s big on the idea that she has to protect what’s hers if she wants to be worthy of the title. So she wants them gone.” Darius glanced at Thomas. “So she just told me I’d be picking you up, and it would be doing her a favor, and would also keep that little Fury she’s gone and helped to empower off my back for a while. Anything that gets me in good with the divine is cool by me. Apple, though. Apple told me more than that.”

“Wait.” I leaned forward, straining against the limits of my seatbelt as I put as much of myself as possible into the front seat. “Apple is still in charge?”

“Queen of the North American Routewitches, from Utqiagvik to Florida City. All our roads are hers to have and protect, and will be until she passes her crown.”

“She was queen fifty years ago,” I said. “And she was like twelve.”

“She’s seventeen,” said Darius. “She didn’t have access to good food for over a year before she found her way to the Lady, and it stunted her growth. She’s been Queen since 1944, and she’s not going to step down until the road is kinder. The Lady loves her. I’m not as old as she is, but I can’t imagine a better Queen. And she told me that you, Mr. Price, had made a bargain with the crossroads.”