Page 88 of Backpacking through Bedlam

“Yes, it is an insult to your dignity,” she had said, calm and reasonable even when she had no business being, “and yes, you will be within your rights to set them on fire when we have returned to the Nest. But until then, we will need to travel with you, and this is the safest option for everyone involved.”

None of the boys had mastered English yet, and their grumbles and mutters had been translated by their sisters, who seemed to find the whole situation more amusing than anything else.

Istas, who had recovered her clothing from the side tunnel where it had been hidden, had waited patiently until negotiations were concluded, and then gone to fetch the carriers.

Sarah would have told us if the information she got from Bell indicated more Covenant presence in this area, but we still chose to take the maintenance tunnels rather than the subway, preferring to remain at least somewhat out of sight. Five little boys in carriers meant one each for me, Dominic, Thomas, Ryan, and Istas. Cara had offered to carry one of them, but we needed her to keep hold of the girls, and so our motley little group proceeded onward, into the concrete embrace of the tunnels.

Dominic had needed to produce substantially more cash to get us through the door unseen this time, but it had worked, and so we moved on.

We walked in silence, and were roughly halfway back when the echoes around me shifted. I glanced to the side. Sarah was walking there, expression serene, looking as if she’d been with us all along.

“Everything good?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “They don’t remember anything about finding the dragons, or William’s existence, or us. None of them will be suitable for field work again, sadly. Margaret’s mind can’t take another revision on this scale, and so she’ll find herself becoming physically ill if she even thinks about another field assignment, to help make sure it won’t be necessary.”

“That’s a little . . . uh, that’s a little extreme, there, isn’t it?”

“No.” She turned wide blue eyes on me, blinking slowly. At least they weren’t glowing anymore. “Killing them would have been the other option. Giving them a few small aversions is nothing compared to ending their lives. And you didn’t have to see what they were planning for these children.” She shuddered. “They don’t remember those plans anymore, and they’ll never plan anything like that again, for children of any sort. I’m not sure they’ll even be able to eat meat unless they know the age of the animal before it reaches their plate. They will definitely be unable to eat eggs.”

She didn’t sound sorry about any of that. After thinking about it for a moment, I wasn’t sure she actually needed to be.

“Well, thank you. I didn’t want to have to kill them.”

Sarah shrugged. “I didn’t think you did.” She sighed, then said, “Someone will have to go and take care of the real field teams.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” I admitted. “Rose told us the anima mundi and the Queen of the Routewitches wanted us to come to New York, because there was a problem here that needed us to deal with it. We helped you find them, but you already have people who can fight. You know the city better than we do.”

She was silent for a moment before she said, “You’re better at killing than Verity is.”

Her quiet admission didn’t even sting. It was too accurate for that. “I’d have to be,” I said. “I don’t ever want her to get as comfortable with it as I am.” There was a lot it was too late for me to do for my family. This, though . . . this wasn’t too late. This was something I could still do. “You know where they are?”

“I can’t track them. They still have anti-telepathy charms, and that keeps me out. But I know where they’re based.”

“Good enough.” I hesitated before putting a hand on her shoulder, touching only sweater, no skin. “Sweetheart, I don’t know what I missed, but you can read my mind. You know I love you.”

“I do,” she said, and smiled, small and shy and fleeting, before she glanced past me and her smile flickered out, replaced by renewed solemnity. “I’m making Grandpa nervous. I’m going to go walk with Dominic.”

She sped up, leaving the rest of us to watch her go. I glanced at Thomas. “Sarah makes you nervous?”

“I never expected to find you close to a cuckoo.”

“Oh, neither did I, believe me. I actually started a ruckus at Kevin’s wedding—tried to deck the mother of the bride. It wasn’t my finest hour.” I grimaced, shifting the carrier from one hand to the other. The boy inside hissed in indignation. “Angela’s great, though, and she was around for years before we acquired Sarah. Sarah’s a good kid, and we all love her dearly, even if I don’t really understand what’s up with her these days. I think that’s a story we’re going to need to get firsthand, from her if at all possible. I’ve never met a cuckoo who could bend space the way the Johrlac can.”

“Until, apparently, our adopted granddaughter.”

“What can I say? All our kids are high achievers.”

“You can say that you won’t decide on a plan that involves using yourself as bait ever again.”

I glanced at him. He was frowning, eyes fixed straight ahead, like he was afraid to even look at me. “I didn’t mean to—”

“You have to get used to the idea that I’m here, Alice. And I’m going to keep being here, no matter what happens, and as long as I’m here, I’m going to worry about you. I’m going to want what’s best for you. Being taken captive by the Covenant, with no backup? That’s not best for you. Yes, it worked out this time. Luck runs out. It ran out for your mother. It’s eventually going to run out for you.”

His invoking my mother hurt. Even after all this time, part of me hated her for going into the woods and not coming back out, leaving me alone with a father who refused to understand me and grandparents who couldn’t protect me from him.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I said, voice small.

“I know. If you’d meant to scare me, I’d probably be more angry and less upset. I know you’ve been risking yourself alone for fifty years. Please. I know it’s going to be hard to adjust, but this isn’t the first time, and I . . . I can’t handle sitting back and watching you risk yourself like that.”