Page 53 of Branded Betrayal

“What is wrong with me?” I groan. “He’s perfect and interested. But my damn heart still wants what it can’t have. And if I can’t get this place up and running, it won’t even matter because I’ll have to leave.”

But if I leave Whiskey Creek, I’ll leave Blaze too. And I don’t believe he really wants that, especially after last night. I felt something behind that kiss, and I know he did too. I guess the question is, Do I want to put my heart on the line for a second time and run the risk of it being sliced in two?

I stomp my foot on the floor, the sound echoing in the empty foyer.

Why can’t I just break free of his grasp, once and for all?

“I have to forget about Blaze,” I say, grabbing my laptop from the coffee table in the living room and heading back to the kitchen. I always work better sitting in semiuncomfortable chairs. Too tempting to recline and let my eyes close if I’m on the sofa. And if I dream, I know exactly who the star will be.

Blowing out a breath, I continue with my self-administered therapy session. “Seeing him and kissing him has made all kinds of inconvenient teenaged fantasies bubble up again, but those feelings aren’t real. I’m just grieving and trying to fit back into a place that I was estranged from for so long. That’s why I’m so drawn to him. He’s familiar.”

I settle into one of the kitchen chairs, flip open the laptop, and stare at the screen.

All the self-help talk in the world isn’t going to free my heart of the man who broke it.

Gritting my teeth, I sit up straight against the back of the chair and do some calculations around leasing the land for cattle grazing so I can get back to those prospects. I list out our monthly expenses and make guesstimations about how they might increase with additional cattle.

But the numbers swim in front of my eyes.

“Dammit.” I slam down the lid of the laptop. Falling forward onto my elbows, I let out a deep sigh. “I need to think about the future.”

But that’s only my mind talking.

Everything else in me screams to forget the future, to just think about right now, as if the past didn’t happen. As if it didn’t break me into so many scattered pieces I swore I’d never be able to reassemble myself.

The legs of the heavy wooden chair scrape against the floor, and I stand up. My heart beats like a drum, blood rushing between my ears, drowning out the protests that loop through my mind. I fill a Tupperware container with the fresh scones, grab my keys, and run out the front door.

I can’t leave things like this, so painfully unresolved. Going to him is reckless and stupid, and I’m sure if I had friends, they’d smack me upside the head before letting me do this, but his words keep roaring in my ears. I have to know what they meant, why he’d even say them.

When I pull into the entrance of the Hartman ranch, my heart jumps into my throat. Blaze’s truck is parked off to the side, near the barn. I unwrap my fingers from the steering wheel I clutched so tight on the way over and grab the plastic container.

A few short, sharp gasps and a quickie pep talk later, I step out of the car on legs as shaky as a baby calf’s. Jesus, everything is sweating right now. My teeth chatter even though the air is warm on my skin. A horse neighs in the distance, and Blaze’s voice floats into the air. I take a few tentative steps toward the barn, his voice getting louder as I approach.

This is crazy, this is crazy, this is—

“I know you miss Mom. I do too. But I still have you, right?”

I stand by the barn entrance, watching him outside Starlight’s stall. Then he does something that stops my breath. He leans his head forward, his forehead grazing hers. His eyes drift closed. It’s intimate and peaceful as he breathes with Starlight.

He always used to do that with the other horses when they’d get anxious. He said it calmed them down. My chest aches as I watch him.

That is the guy I fell in love with. So close but so damn far away at the same time.

I shouldn’t be here right now. This is private. There’s no place for me, and I—

I turn away quickly, and in my haste to get away before he sees me, I trip over a bucket in my path and collapse against the side wall with a loud whoof.

His head whips around, eyes widening when he sees me. “Savannah, you shouldn’t be here.”

Steadying myself, I tuck my hair behind my ear and walk toward him. “You can’t say things like that and then just leave.”

He turns his back on me and goes back to brushing Starlight. “Yeah, well, I did.”

“You really haven’t changed, have you?” I say, storming over to him. Fury bubbles in my chest at his dismissal of me. “The second things get real, you pull away. Grow up, Blaze.”

He drops the brush, his eyes fiery and wild as he backs me against the stall post. “If not changing means I’m still trying to protect you, then yeah, I’m the same fucking guy.”

“I never asked for your protection,” I yell. Starlight neighs and gives me a disapproving look. “Sorry,” I say to her in a softer voice, stroking her back. “But it had to be said.”