Page 44 of Family Secrets in Inishbeg Cove

A few people turned to look at them, probably wondering what was going on.

She was mortified. Technically he had only wiped away her tears, so she felt silly for making a big deal about it. She couldn’t even explain to him why it had made her uncomfortable; perhaps she was reading too much into what had simply been a kind gesture. But she did know that Jack shouldn’t be here having a drink in The Anchor with her; he should be at home with his lovely family. She thought about his wife, at home right now taking care of their daughter, blissfully unaware of what was going on. She felt seedy. She should never have agreed to come here with him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time; she was upset and he was a familiar face. She had been frozen and needed to warm up, but she had let her guard down – and now as she thawed out in the cosiness of the pub, she was beginning to rethink everything. She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

‘Well, at least let me walk you home. Dusk is starting to fall, and it’ll be dangerous walking back up the boreen towards the cottage in this light.’

‘I’ll be fine,’ she said brusquely, needing to get away from him.

He looked crestfallen. ‘Well, if you’re sure…’

‘Goodbye, Jack,’ she said without meeting his gaze and then she hurried out of the pub.

33

Faith pushed open the kitchen door and saw her mother and sister’s anxious faces.

‘Oh, thank God,’ Madeleine cried. ‘Thank God you’re home.’ She hobbled over on her crutches and pulled her daughter against her chest, holding her so tightly that Faith couldn’t breathe. ‘Oh darling, I’m so sorry. I said some awful things earlier. I wish I could take them back.’

‘Why didn’t you answer your phone?’ Lucy scolded. ‘We’ve been out of our minds with worry.’

Suddenly Faith remembered her phone. She fished it out of her pocket and saw that it was out of battery. ‘Sorry, my phone is dead,’ she said numbly.

‘Please don’t ever do that to me again. My head went to all kinds of awful places,’ Madeleine went on.

‘You’ve been gone for hours,’ Lucy said.

‘I lost track of time…’

‘Where did you go?’ Madeleine asked.

‘I went up to the clifftop.’

Madeleine blanched. ‘What? Why did you go there? You weren’t going to—’ She couldn’t finish her sentence.

‘No, Mum.’ Faith sighed. ‘I would never do anything like that. I can’t explain it, but I just needed to go there. I needed to see for myself where he did it.’

‘I see… And did it help?’ Madeleine asked.

Faith shrugged. ‘Not really.’

‘Well, look, the most important thing is that you’re home now.’ Madeleine turned to her elder daughter. ‘Lucy, why don’t you put the kettle on?’

Faith blinked back tears. ‘That’s what Nanna would do.’

‘Oh, darling…’ Madeleine said. ‘I’m sorry.’

Lucy made the tea and the three of them sat down around the table.

‘How are you feeling?’ Lucy asked carefully.

‘I’m just so confused.’ Faith turned to her mother. ‘Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down. Why didn’t you tell us about Dad?’

Madeleine shrugged. ‘I thought it was kinder to let you believe that he died from cancer rather than taking his own life. You were both so young. Even if I had tried to explain, you would never have understood mental illness or depression, so I just said your daddy was sick – which was the truth, anyway. It was only as you got older that you started asking me more detailed questions about him. You would ask me what illness he had or why the doctors didn’t have medicine to cure him. One day I just said that he’d had cancer. I only said it in passing, assuming that you’d forget about it, but you didn’t. As time went on, I couldn’t undo it. The lie became engrained in our family. I’m so sorry, I promise I never meant to deceive you.’

‘But what about Nanna?’ Lucy asked. ‘How did you get her in on the act?’

‘It wasn’t like that, I promise you, Lucy. Elizabeth and I had always said the same thing to both of you about your dad being sick, and then I guess she just went along with what I had said about the cancer. I suppose it was easier for everyone that way.’

‘But we’re not children any more!’ Faith shouted. ‘You could have told us when we were old enough.’