Page 17 of The Heartbreak Hotel

Ella hadn’t known what to expect seeing her today, but the lack of acknowledgement stung like a wet fish to the face. She’d hoped their afternoon spent cloud-gazing and talking had meant something, and had proved she still had those qualities Maeve once fell in love with. But the message was loud and clear: Ella was still at the top of the loser pile. Riley had just been doing her job, after all.

Of course that’s all it was. She was so desperate to be wanted, she’d misread her kindness as attraction. You idiot, Ella.

“Many of you might think the most important part of yoga is the poses,” Riley continued, “but in fact, it’s our breath. How many of you feel stressed in your day-to-day life?”

Everyone raised their hands, but Ella watched on, squashing her mouth into a hard line to stop it wobbling.

“Part of your time at Sandy Springs is reminding yourselves about the simpler things in life that are often overlooked or forgotten. Something as simple as a few minutes focusing on your breathing can have many positive effects, like relieving stress and anxiety, improving sleep, and lowering blood pressure. The best thing?” She grinned, and Ella could see the dimples in her cheeks, even from metres away. “Anyone can do it.”

Riley guided the group through some breathing techniques as the sun arched higher. Even with the peaceful atmosphere and the lulling waves of the sea, Ella’s temple throbbed. She relaxed her jaw and tried to focus on inhaling and exhaling, but it looked stupid—she knew. She’d been peeking at everyone else sitting cross-legged on their mats.

The fact that Pauline kept trumping out of time with the windchimes didn’t help matters, either.

She didn’t want to look stupid. She’d spent her whole life trying to fit in. To be as talented as Devin or as thin as Winnie. To be pretty enough for Maeve, and smart enough for her family. But it was never good enough. Ella always fucked it up somehow. Even trying to help Pauline, she ended up falling down the cliff and acting like a deranged ape in front of Riley.

No wonder she isn’t interested.

She scrunched her eyes tighter, trying to focus, but her mind drifted to Maeve’s long legs. Her mother’s cheerful holiday face. Her brother, his perfect fiancée, their perfect twins and their three show-quality Ragdoll cats. And here Ella was, sitting with a bunch of life’s rejects, with no job prospects, barely clinging onto her own self-worth. Even getting rejected by Riley hurt, and she’d only known her for two minutes. Maybe Riley would prefer Annabelle over Ella, too.

God, what am I talking about? I am pathetic.

She clenched and relaxed her hands in her lap, the soft skin a little sore from her tree-climbing expedition earlier. Her breaths came hard and fast, air pushing through her nostrils like a steam train. That definitely wasn’t the group’s objective. Great. Now she couldn’t even get breathing right. She was the queen reject of life’s rejects. What was—

“Ella.” Riley’s soft voice made her jump, and she snapped her eyes open, finding her calm blues gazing back at her. Riley placed her hands on her shoulders as they heaved up and down. “Breathe with me. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.”

Ella did as she was told, spellbound by her swirling irises and the shape of her lips.

“Breathe slow and deep. One…two…three…four.” Ella breathed with her, looking deep into her eyes. The mix of blue and turquoise steadied her, but the longer she looked, the more variations she noted. A neat hazel ring around Riley’s pupil. A smaller cobalt one, too. She observed a particularly nice fleck of green as it glinted in the sunlight, the colours seeming to liquify and shimmer. Her heart finally settled into a steady rhythm, and the corners of Riley’s mouth quirked, her eyes taking on a new look that made Ella’s belly tingle.

“Good. Now, I want you to try something with me.” She took a seat beside Ella on the stone floor and easily crossed her legs.

Very flexible, Ella noted.

“Close your eyes again,” Riley said, waiting until Ella had shut them before continuing. “Stay with the same breathing cycle, but this time, imagine a bubble forming around you. In, hold, then release, all for four counts. Every time your mind tries to take you somewhere else, acknowledge it, but then focus back on your breathing and building your bubble.”

Ella tried, but she was conscious of the others watching her. Riley too. She didn’t want to look more of an idiot than she already had.

She opened an eye, shooting a glance at Riley. Her eyes were closed, hands relaxed on the bend of her knees, chest rising and falling in a perfect rhythm. Ella could count the freckles across her cheeks.

“No peeking.” Riley’s lips curved into a smile.

Ella’s cheeks flushed. How did she know?

She clamped her eyes shut again and sighed. I can do this. It’s as easy as… well, breathing. She relaxed her hands, trying to mirror Riley, and counted to four. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Her mind protested at first, but then she visualised her breath forming a protective bubble around her.

Inhale… The bubble glowed, its pale blue hue radiating light.

Exhale… The protective circle stretched, growing stronger with every breath.

Inhale…

When Riley’s voice announced it was the end of class, Ella could hardly believe it. A light weightlessness cradled her body, and the floating sensation lifted her to her toes. She squinted against the bright light as Riley brought the session to an end.

The group bowed as a collective, and Ella flinched, pain spreading up her back. Was that from her tumble down the cliff or her near drowning? Who knew.

She stretched, feeling a warm tug in her muscles, keeping her eye on Riley as she spoke with Rick by the fountain. His hands moved wildly as they chatted, like he’d just seen a UFO battle with sky sharks and not spent the last hour practising steady breathing.

Pauline popped into view, lifting her arms up to the sky. “Wowsies! Wasn’t that fantastic? I feel s–o–o–o relaxed.” She plopped the pink hat back on top of her head, almost knocking it into Ella’s forehead. “Who do you have for your energy alignment class, bestie?”