Page 31 of The Heartbreak Hotel

Food carts served fresh seafood rice, grilled bacalhau with garlic, crispy cod balls, and roasted octopus, all caught off the island. Senhor Arenoso had spoken about the ebbs and flows of the wildlife, and ensuring a healthy balance between conservation and human cuisine. Ella inhaled deeply, the mix of garlic and seafood making her stomach rumble.

The stalls overflowed with fruits and vegetables of all colours. Nuts, rice, olives, and more beans than Ella knew existed. A friendly man greeted her as she browsed the fruit, and she replied with a shy “boa tarde”, her gaze roaming over large oranges, melons, apples, and cherries. She bought a bag of juicy plums to snack on in her room, then followed a sweet, sugary scent to the next stall. There were people gathered around it, calling out their orders in Portuguese. When she reached the front, Ella understood why it was so popular. Fresh bread, cakes, and traditional sweets filled the shelves, and she practically drooled at the sight of doughnuts, sweet lemon farturas, and creamy Portuguese tarts with flaky pastry and sugared tops. Ella bought two tarts, hoping to gift one to Riley after her surfing class.

She smiled to herself as she pocketed her change; she couldn’t help it. Was it wrong to chase the good feeling? The combination of her best friend’s support, an afternoon nap, and a decent orgasm pointed towards the no.

She and Riley were both just human… Why not have a little fun?

That had been the initial goal of this holiday, anyway.

After circling every stall, admiring a collection of beautiful ceramics, hand-painted homewares, and patterned tiles, Ella concluded there was definitely no alcohol on sale. Shame. A nice glass of white would go down a treat right now.

She picked up a cork “I heart Portugal” keyring for Winnie, considered buying a gorgeous purple-and-white handwoven rug but decided it wouldn’t fit in her suitcase, then headed back along the path to her cabin.

The sun was hiding behind the clouds, giving her a welcome respite from the heat. She didn’t want to jinx it…but things were looking up. She even dared to say she felt happy. Her work worries seemed far away as she took a bite from the plump plum in her hand, savouring the fresh juices.

She wondered when Riley finished work—or if Riley even thought of it as that. Knowing her, she probably had some hippie philosophy that categorised it under a different name.

Ella wanted to see her again, but would turning up at her cabin be weird? She’d been off the dating scene a while, but even she knew the idea came off a little creepy. She could always ask her after their yoga session in the morning. She wanted to stay clear of any game-playing. She only had limited time on the island, better not waste any more.

She dug into her bag for her key, but as she got to the top of the hill, she found her door already ajar and twitching in the breeze.

A chill ran down her spine. Had somebody broken in?

She edged the door open with her toe. Her suitcase was spread wide, her clothes scattered across the floor in a mess. She wanted to say she’d been ransacked, but actually, this was how she’d left her room.

A strange noise came from inside. That sounded quite like—

She rounded the corner and halted.

A…goat.

There was a goat in her bed. And worse, it had her big, comfy underwear in its mouth. The ugly kind that wasn’t supposed to be seen by anyone and was reserved for days with cramps or bloated bellies.

The brown goat barely looked up when Ella entered, and that offended her a little. “Uh. Excuse me. Those are mine.” She edged forward, and the goat’s yellow eyes snapped to her. Oh god. Do these things charge? She swallowed. “Look. Just give me my knickers back and there’s no hard feelings, alright?”

She tiptoed closer, the pungent smell of urine and dirt hitting her senses. Had it relieved itself somewhere in here? She glanced around the room but couldn’t see anything obvious. Unfortunately, the goat took the small distraction by the horns and leaped off the bed, skidding across the floor and out the door—with Ella’s big knickers in its mouth.

“Hey!” She sprinted after it, catching sight of its brown rear end as it dipped over the hill and headed towards the courtyard.

No, no, no!

She ran in pursuit, her sandals kicking up a cloud of dust in her wake. As she descended the hill, she was met with a raucous sound. A mix of screams, shouts, and bleats. What the hell is going on?

What was once a peaceful market now resembled a manic petting zoo. Goats ransacked the fruit and veg stalls, running around with broccoli and potatoes in their mouths, being chased by angry people. The stall-holders’ efforts were futile, as the goats jumped on top of the displays, crashing them to the ground.

Ella spotted her goat wielding her underwear like a flag and followed it further into the chaos. The stench of urine intensified, mixed with an assault of seafood, garlic, and a smell that could only be identified as goat. Someone screamed to her right, and Ella looked just in time to see a goat rip a pineapple from Pauline’s hands and scamper off.

An elderly man cornered one of the animals, but it leaped on top of a table and pushed off a bag of flour, sending a cloud of white into the air. When the mist descended, Riley appeared at the top of the steps, her eyes wide as she took in the crazy scene. Her gaze met Ella’s, and she ran over to her, her long hair wet and slicked back over her shoulders.

“What happened here?” she asked, shouting over the noise.

“I’ve no idea. I was just…” Ella spotted the goat trotting past, still chewing on her underwear. “Minding my own business.”

Riley shook her head. “This has got Romeo’s name written all over it.”

“What do we do?”

“We need to herd them somehow, but everything is too manic. There are goats everywhere.”