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In her bedroom she sank down on to the bed, shivering with a mixture of sensations. Why had he had to say that? She had suspected him of irony or worse, but hadn’t been able to see any in his face, and yet he couldn’t have meant to imply that…he couldn’t really have felt that passionate sincerity she had heard in his voice.
‘Heather?’
She held her breath as she heard him outside her door.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you. Please come back down. I’ve arranged for us to telephone your parents at ten.’
Unwillingly, Heather opened the door. He looked paler than usual and his face seemed thinner. He needed a shave, and she ached to reach out and touch the roughness of his jaw. A faint smile touched her mouth as she looked at him.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing, I was just admiring your “designer stubble”.’
He frowned and she had to explain what she meant.
‘It’s supposed to be a big turn on,’ she added wryly. ‘Pop stars deliberately cultivate it, because they think it makes them look sexy.’
‘And what do you think?’ he asked her softly.
She was treading on dangerous ground, and if she wasn’t careful she was going to find herself admitting that, as far as she was concerned, he didn’t need any aids to increase his sexuality. Evasively she replied, ‘I’m not really into pop stars any more.’
When they got through to her parents, they were just settling down for the evening. Heather spoke to both of them and was delighted to hear her father sounding so well and relaxed.
When she had finished she handed the receiver over to Kyle. While he spoke to them she looked at the Christmas tree. It was going to be an odd sort of Christmas this year. She tried not to feel abandoned because she wouldn’t be spending it with her family.
Shortly after Kyle had replaced the receiver she excused herself, fibbing that she was tired and wanted an early night.
Instantly his expression darkened.
‘I thought you and I were going to talk,’ he said quietly. ‘What is it, Heather?’ he demanded when she made no response. ‘Is the fact that you and I have been lovers really so repulsive to you that you can’t even bear to talk about it? What if we have a child? There is that possibility, you know. I…I didn’t use any…anything, and since you were a virgin I assume that you…’
‘Yes…that is, no…I didn’t take any precautions.’ She knew that her face was hot with embarrassed colour. He was quite right, of course, although she calculated that the chances of her becoming pregnant were very small.
‘If you have conceived my child we shall have to get married. No…please, let me finish. You know what my background is, I can well understand how any woman would feel about having a child by a man who knows nothing of his father and whose mother virtually deserted him, but I have to say this. I won’t let you have an abortion, and I certainly won’t let you bring my child up alone. I have very strong feelings on the subject, I’m sure you’ll understand why. We…’
‘We can’t get married.’ Panic drove her voice into a high-pitched protest as she contemplated the sheer anguish of being married to Kyle simply because she was the mother of his child.
‘Heather…’
She jumped up, shaking her head. ‘No…I don’t want to talk about it. We don’t know if I could get pregnant yet. Oh, God, I wish…’
‘That you’d never met me?’ Kyle supplied for her. ‘You haven’t changed at all really, have you, Heather? You still loathe and resent me as much as you always did.’ He got up as well. ‘Very well, we won’t discuss it tonight. It’s been a long day, but I warn you, if you are carrying my child…’
Heather wouldn’t let him finish, interrupting wildly, ‘That’s all that matters to you, isn’t it? I’m just totally unimportant…incidental. It doesn’t matter what I think or feel.’
‘Heather!’
He called her back as she opened the door, but she couldn’t listen to any more. Of course, she could understand how he felt, but that didn’t ease her pain; that didn’t stop her from experiencing the agony of knowing that to him she was just someone he would have to endure for the sake of his child.
She wasn’t pregnant, she was sure of it, just as she was equally sure that Kyle wasn’t going to let her out of his sight willingly until she managed to convince him that she was right. It wouldn’t be easy. She knew that already. If she left now, and returned home as she had planned, he would suspect that she was trying to deceive him. If she stayed…if she stayed, she would be able to convince him eventually that she wasn’t having his child, but she would also run the risk of betraying to him how she felt about him.
She was caught in a cleft stick, Heather acknowledged wearily, and faced with a problem to which there appeared to be no straightforward solution.
She was no closer to finding one on Christmas Eve. Mrs Evans had arrived later than usual, complaining that she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t slept for several days, she told Heather, and to make matters worse her husband wasn’t well, either.
Heather listened to her with one ear as she helped the other woman prepare for the holiday weekend. How was she going to feel tomorrow, sharing her Christmas lunch with Kyle, being alone with him all day?
This morning he was working. An urgent phone call had taken him into his office. Already, in a frighteningly short time she had allowed him to become too important to her. How was she going to feel when eventually she found the strength to walk away? It wasn’t going to be easy. Only she knew how much time she spent fantasising about their one night together, trying to im
