Page 113 of The Unravelings

Every time I peer into Dr. Lohr’s eyes, I see images of my sister. Crying. Begging. Starving. Organs gone. Blood everywhere. My imagination runs wild with the dark possibilities of what happened to her. I know she’s out there. Somewhere. I’ll find her even if it fucking kills me doing so.

“This?” I question, picking up the straps of her bag with the tips of my fingers. “What do you have in here?” I quickly dump the contents on the floor and tilt my head. “Lip gloss, powder for your nose, and…” I trail off, picking up a small, golden conch shell and flipping open the small, hinged door, revealing a white powder hidden inside—a snuff box. A light scent of floral and gasoline wafts from the powder, crowding my thoughts with unwanted memories of times I wish I could fucking erase. “And powder for the inside of your nose, too. Quite interesting,” I mutter with disdain, glaring at the drug sitting in my palm. A drug I swore I would never come into contact with ever again.

The dog cage looms in front of my vision. The same wires I’ve stared at for months on end with no relief in sight. My only view is the yellow-stained walls, green carpeting, and flowered comforters I’ve never been able to touch. I ache to feel the warmth of a mattress and pull blankets over myself. That won’t happen. Not with the way my mother has spiraled into a woman I don’t recognize. I’m stuck in this cage with no escape in sight.

I peek from behind the wired walls, wearily watching my mother dance, barely dressed, around the hotel room we’ve called home for the past few years. A colorful, silk robe flies around her with every jerky move she makes. Her eyes dilate as she sniffs something from a necklace hanging around her throat and lets it drop with an “ahh” of satisfaction.

I swallow hard when she stops in front of my face and leans down, peering straight into my eyes. Her pupils dilate more. The sweet scent of flowers mixed with gasoline and sugar makes me recoil further from her.

“Today is a good day, Malic,” she sings while twirling around the suite. “Today is a beautiful day!” She spins in a circle.

“Why?” I ask curiously, because every day is the same for me. I’m barely fed. Barely able to leave this prison to use the restroom, get water, or fucking shower. Now she’s claiming it’s a beautiful day while high on… whatever she’s gotten her hands on.

“Because,” she giggles into her palm. “Because we have a visitor coming…” She trails off when someone knocks at the door, loudly shaking the walls and shitty paintings hanging by a thread.

Great. Another visitor. Another man or woman coming to use my mother in the most disgusting ways. Another typical Tuesday.

“Ah, there he is, Malic,” she hums, standing tall and adjusting her bra. “Now, promise me you’ll be the best boy you can be, okay?” She grins maliciously, bending over to look me in the eyes. “Or bad things will happen, remember?”

I swallow hard, nodding a few times. There’s nothing I can do to escape. None of these people want to help me out of this prison. “I remember,” I croak, moving my body further back in the cage so my legs can stretch out, and I can dissociate from this entire situation.

I’m not here. I’m on the beach with waves crashing into the sand. I’m running around under the blazing sun with a smile on my face and an Icee in my hand. Ah. It’s a frozen Coke cee. It tastes delicious. It drowns out the noises my mother makes with the man on the bed.

I grunt, standing tall. The faint moans and grunts scream in my mind as if they happened five seconds ago and not a few years ago. I want them gone. Erased from my fucking head, but some noises you can’t erase. They cling for eternity. They’re memories with claws, digging deeper until you remember every goddamn thing in vivid detail.

“No!” I shout, tossing her purse until it hits the cement walls with a thud, echoing through the space. The good doctor’s whimpers hit my ears, slightly pulling me back into the present. Only slightly, though. This memory is determined to destroy me when I want to obliterate the woman sitting in the metal chair.

When I peek over my shoulder, my mother sits there with a loopy grin spreading across her lips. The same dilated eyes greet me. The same clothing she was wearing that day—her bra, underwear, and bright silk robe.

I shake my head, clearing the hallucination from my brain. She’s dead. I fucking ended her the first chance I got, with Boss Man by my side. No more fucking memories of that bitch and her imprisonment. No more! I escaped. I ran to my new life. She can’t hold me hostage any longer. She’s dead. Fucking gone from this earth, and I will not waste my precious life dwelling on what she fucking put me through for no goddamn reason.

“Malic, please, baby! Have mercy on me,” she pleads on her wobbly knees in the middle of her hotel room, folding her hands together as if she were praying. “I…please,” she whispers, shaking her head. “You don’t understand. You have to understand!”

“He understands well enough,” Boss Man says as he walks out of the shadows and tilts his head. “Now, Virginia…” He trails off, staring down at her with disdain. “Be a good girl and take your punishment. You should be lucky the boy doesn’t shove you into a cage and leave you there to starve.” He turns his nose up at her as she sniffles.

“I had to!” she cries, shaking her head. “He’s just like him!” She shakes her head, peering up at me between her eyelashes. “Can’t you see it? We have to stop him!” She attempts to gesture to me, but Boss smacks her hands away from me.

“He is not yours anymore,” Boss hisses, straightening his pristine suit with a huff. Suddenly, a sardonic laugh bubbles out of his chest and booms off the hotel walls. “He’s quite the opposite, actually.” He peers me up and down. “He resembles you more than anything, but his soul? Well… That’s mine now,” he tsks, clicking his tongue several times. “Now, Malic. Show Virginia what you’ve brought her.”

I grit my teeth. Everything my birth giver had put me through screams in my mind. Over and over. Torturing me when I’m trying to sleep and making me go fucking mad with rage and hate.

She ruined my goddamn life. So I’m going to take hers as retribution.

33

Malic

I grit my teeth, shaking away the memories of that night. It was an everyday thing for her. More drugs. More men. More me having to watch what the fuck she did with them.

Until Boss stepped in and took me under his wing, giving me everything I could have dreamed of. He was the only one in my life to give me a bit of stability.

Him and Meredith.

“It’s over!” I shout through the room and heave a few breaths, calming myself down again as the good doctor sobs in the chair, bringing me back completely. “It’s done,” I whisper to myself, staring down at the empty snuff box in my hands.

White powder covers her belongings. Good. It’s where it belongs. It does nothing but corrupt the minds of the already wicked, leading them to do things they shouldn’t.

So why is the good doctor sniffing powder?