Page 35 of The Unravelings

My mom used to bring those losers around all the damn time. It’s why I had to escape with or without my brother. Even then, he was too stubborn to see the future ahead of him. It was bleak and bullshit. The first chance I got to leave, I took it.

Even if it means this—murdering people for stealing from us. Or talking shit about us. Or revealing our secrets to the world.

I’m safer here. With Franco. Under his roof with my two best friends than I ever was at home.

“I think you know,” she says, taking a deep breath. “I should probably get back, anyway. I’m sure he’ll be back around soon.” She shakes her head.

“He left?” I ask, my jaw ticking in annoyance.

She offers me a tight smile. “If only it were forever.” She takes a few steps toward the ladder before turning to me. “Whatever you’re going through, I hope when the sun rises, it’s better by then. The sunshine always erases the darkness.”

The sunshine always erases the darkness.

Her words from all those years ago, when I was a stupid little boy with stupid fucking problems, ring through my mind. If only I had held her more. Touched her more. Told her I loved her more.

So many regrets tingle at the ends of my fingertips as I lose myself, walking toward the only end goal I know. Her. Olivia.

Her headstone breaches the dirt like a beacon. A lighthouse. A fucking symbol of the end. Both of ours. The moment she died, I shriveled up inside, becoming this husk of who I was. Empty. Forgotten. Used.

Sometimes at night, I look at the stars, praying to whatever entity that lives up there to bring her back to me. Raise her from the dead and let her breathe for one more hour. One more fucking day. I’d show her then what she meant to me.

“You’re the oxygen I breathe,” I murmur in her ear, scooting her closer to me as we rest in the treehouse together.

She leans her head on my shoulder, running her fingers up and down my arm. My flesh tingles with the tickly feeling, but it settles something in me. She settles something in me. We may only be seventeen, but I know I’m going to marry this woman.

I once thought she was a spoiled Mafia brat. Times change. And so did I.

“And you’re the sunshine in the morning,” she whispers back, finally looking up at me with those big doe eyes full of wonder, and oh, fuck. Lust. Lots and lots of lust.

My lips melt into hers in an instant. What can I say? I’m a lovesick fool, rock hard for this girl only.

“One day, I’ll walk you down the aisle.” Am I jumping the gun? Eh, probably. But fuck it. You only live once, after all. And this once-in-a-lifetime love I’ve got with Olivia is something I won’t let slip between my fingers. “God, Buttercup, Baby,” I groan, wanting to sink inside her.

But I was dumb as fuck and made a pact with the other two idiots. No sex until she’s ready. No sex until we’re all present. Like I want two other dicks standing at attention waiting for their turn.

Whatever.

This is our deal. She is ours. And we’re going to share for the rest of our goddamn lives.

I sigh, leaning against her headstone. If I could wipe the memories from my brain and fucking move on, I would. Maybe they’re there to torture me relentlessly and make me suffer the consequences of losing her.

My one true fucking love.

And now I have a fucking hard-on. Great. Good thing no one is around to witness this.

“Don’t judge me,” I grumble at Waffles, who lies beside me, panting. “You know, you could go home and get some water.” He whines at my suggestion and nudges me with his wet nose. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I shake my head, leaning back and resting on the marble. It’s cold to the touch, connecting with my bare flesh and eliciting goosebumps as they spread across my skin.

Fluffy white clouds roll across the bright blue sky. The sun sits low, barely awake for the day. Much like me. Every day that Olivia has been gone, the sun hasn’t seemed to erase the darkened parts of me.

“Another day, Liv. Another sunrise without you. It’s only getting fucking bleaker,” I murmur. “Day after day. It’s been over 1,800 days since I last heard you speak. It’s been 43,000 hours since I last set my eyes on you. Seen your smile. Or heard your laugh. Fuck. What I wouldn’t do to make you laugh again. Remember that one time you accidentally snorted Dr. Pepper out of your nose?” I laugh to myself, wiping a hand down my face. “If you were here, I’m sure you’d tell me to stop my pouting or some shit.”

A small tear trickles down my cheek.

“But that’s the thing about this grief, Liv. It’s supposed to lessen. It’s supposed to go the fuck away, but every day when I wake up and you’re not beside me, I lose myself to it a little more. I’m not the same Mack you left when we buried you. I’m—” Different. Harder. Rougher around the fucking edges. A man you’d probably hate if you saw me now. A man who didn’t leave this town like he promised. A man who uses his fists and weapons to get his way. “I wouldn’t be who I am now if you were still here.”

Olivia shaped me into the best version of myself. She listened to my anguish and accomplishments. Without judgment.

Olivia was the best of us.