Page 73 of The Unravelings

JJ and I exchange a look. “I mean…” I gesture to Mack’s retreating back. “He’s promising fuckery. How can we pass that opportunity up?” My brow raises when JJ’s jaw tics, and I see the decision weighing heavily in his eyes.

Finally, JJ groans, shutting his book with a heavy thud, gaining the attention of the librarian wandering between the shelves. Her eyes narrow, and she brings a finger to her lips and then gestures to the other students studying at the tables around us.

“Sorry,” I cringe softly, waving her off.

“Fine,” he hisses, lowering his voice.

“We’ll work on math later, okay?”

JJ snorts at my words, ready to retort about my lack of math skills. Because let’s be real, I couldn’t math my way out of any situation, even if we were in trouble. JJ knows it. I know it. The world knows it.

“Naked math?” Mack says, popping up out of nowhere when we take a few steps away from our table with our books in hand. “It can be a fun game of multiply and divide. Subtraction and addition. Especially the addition. Two plus two…” He grins more, walking backward now while making hand gestures.

I roll my eyes and shove him through the door. “You’re so smooth with your sexy talk.”

“Add a tongue here. Fondle a boobie there.” He grins, dodging my punch as he throws open the side door and holds it for the two of us. “Ladies first.”

“No Hux?” JJ murmurs when we pile into Mack’s truck.

“Left earlier. No clue.” He shrugs, but a hint of hurt rings in his eyes. “Probably has something to do with the guests at the casino.”

A relentless, heavy feeling sits on my chest at the memory. The parallels between here and now. Me. JJ. Sitting across from one another in the library like we used to.

Like old times.

My tongue darts across my dry lips. “You were always good with computers and getting into things you weren’t supposed to.” I pick at the Jenni’s label on my coffee cup, aching to taste it, but apprehensive to take the leap. “But math?” I raise a knowing brow.

JJ throws his head back and laughs a glorious laugh. Like he hasn’t felt an ounce of joy since I was put into the earth, and maybe he hasn’t. Maybe he has.

I’m still unsure of his intentions. Good? Bad? Is he telling the truth? I guess I’ll find out in these sessions.

“Wasn’t always my strong suit, no. Math was hard. Is hard… But after…” Momentarily, he stops, rolling his lips together. Every ounce of humor gives way to longing and grief, especially when his gaze shifts to me. “After we lost you, I threw myself into learning more and distracting myself from your absence.” He darts his eyes toward the table. “I was lost without you. I had them, but…” He shakes his head. “We all lost the right path when we buried you.”

Emotions twist JJ’s earnest expression. There’s something in his eyes when he talks about losing me. Something that can’t be faked. Not with him. JJ was always the sincerest. He felt everything fully. No matter his gang-life status. No matter what Franco had him do.

But are his emotions true?

My head hurts.

“So, why criminal justice?” His soft voice breaks through my thoughts, bringing my attention back to him.

Can I trust him? Absolutely not. But I feel like I have to give something to get something. Tit for tat and all that. If JJ is going to get me into their gang, I need to take a crazy leap and momentarily put my trust in him. Even if every molecule in my body revolts, begging me to stop and run away.

But I’m done running away from this. Done being scared to face them. For the sake of my job and my sanity, I have to put that all in the past, raise my chin, and fucking pull the trigger.

I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Because every bad man in my life hurt me. Locked me away. Held me down. They laughed in my face when I begged for mercy. So I became the mercy so many people need.” I stare directly into his eyes as I tell my story in as few words as possible.

JJ nods knowingly, rising from his seat as I watch his every move.

“You asked me earlier where I have to be…” He trails off. “There’s a closed party at the casino. A meeting of global kings for alliance purposes. I have to go now.” There’s a reluctance in his voice when he takes a few steps with his coffee cup in his hand. “Tonight, we discuss our initiation picks with Franco.”

“Okay,” I say, abruptly standing at the news of so many important men being in town. So many questions roll around in my skull. “And you’ll…”

“I’ll put my vote in for you. I’ll make sure you’re in with the others. I can tell it’s important to you, and I hope one day, you’ll trust me enough to tell me why, Olivia.” A deep longing falls from his lips and sparkles in his eyes as he steps around the table and brushes a finger down my cheek. “Until next time, okay?”

An unwanted shiver works through my body. “Tomorrow, right?” I ask, confirming this hell he’s determined to put me through.