Page 46 of The Apparent Trap

She’s looking at me square in the eyes. I can see how this woman became a journalist—no one could ever tell those eyes no. They’re a mix of desperation and determination, and I doubt there’s any point in even trying.

But this should be her problem.

It’s the first time I’ve wondered if maybe Carmen being raised essentially as an only child to a single mother is where she gets this infuriating dogged determinedness. Like maybe the reason she’s so poised and successful is because she’s had to be an equal and stand up for herself from a young age. In interviews, she always comes across as empathetic while breezy, but I know she’s actually prepped for hours and rehearsed and gone through every note in her research binder. Maybe I should blame Lee more for some of her stubbornness.

It’s especially annoying because I know she’s using our relationship as coworkers to get herself out of a jam of her own making, but she’s not really asking as my coworker. She’s asking as my dad’s girlfriend, trying to strong-arm her way into getting what she wants without having to admit to her boyfriend that she’s the kind of woman who sometimes messes up.

And because of that, the feeling surfacing isn’t my normal one of trying to solve everything for everyone else. Especially when it comes to my dad, I’m usually trying to keep us in calm seas; for both of us to never rock the boat.

I guess the boat has already taken on water.

I almost say something. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Why do I have to fix this problem that you made? What do I owe you? Why do I have to be uncomfortable so that my dad gets to live his life, when we’re supposed to be holding each other steady?

But I don’t. I’m still me.

It’s my job to keep Carmen focused and happy so the segments turn out well. Besides being my actual job, I know helping her helps me too. Sarah’s dangled promise of more travel, bigger assignments, and a future promotion loom over everything I work on with Carmen, a giant exclamation point hanging in the air.

“The front desk is already aware?” I ask, conceding. “Since they said they could bring in a cot?”

I can see her snap to relief at my words. “Yes, they’re really apologetic, even though it’s clearly my mistake to have messed with it in the first place. They even said Lee can use the spa facilities for showers and everything, so you guys don’t have to share.”

“And Lee knows?”

She nods, some of that nervousness seeping back.

“He’s fine with it?”

“Yeah, he said he’d sleep on the cot.”

Of course he did.

“Okay,” I reply. “Well, where are they?”

“Oh they’re at the lodge,” she says.

Right. Of course. Not only do I have to agree to this ridiculous scenario, I now have to put snow boots back on and walk the ten-minute trek out of the forest and over to the lodge so that I can make everyone feel good about themselves like I’m the camp counselor.

But I don’t say that either. The shoot is what matters. Getting great footage that will turn into great segments is what matters. Keeping my talent happy is what matters.

So we walk. We walk through the forest path with its small trailside lights, through the open field that looks like a snowball fight dream location, and back through the blanketed trees until we see the small firepit burning outside the lodge.

I walk into the little wooden clapboard house and am immediately greeted by the warmth of my father.

“Ez!” he says, pulling me into a hug.

“How was the conference?”

“Oh it was great!” he exclaims. “Went to a panel on analyzing shipping route weather patterns that was illuminating. And I heard you guys have been having a lot of success up here already.”

There’s so much warmth in his eyes, so much pride for me. He doesn’t seem to notice that the one telling him the stories now is Carmen. He hasn’t even thought to text me the last few days.

But how can I be upset with someone when they don’t even realize they’re doing it?

“Yeah, we’ve gotten a ton done,” I reply, leaving everything else unsaid. “And we have a lot of good stuff planned the next few days. You know you’re coming on the dogsled and ice fishing excursion tomorrow, right? I want the visual of Carmen interviewing you out on the ice.”

“Well, what a privilege to get to watch you work outside the studio,” he says.

I hope my smile comes across as genuine. “Can’t wait.”