Page 143 of The Faceless Queen

“You know I will keep you safe and protected the whole time we’re in there—as best as I can. I swear.”

“I know you will. I only wish I could promise the same.”

“And I will gladly give up a year of my life if I must, to protect my people.” He pulled me closer, and kissed my forehead. “To protect you. It’s worth it.”

But this wasn’t protecting me. This was going to hurt me. And there was nothing either of us could do to stop it.

Brennan stepped forward, leading me from the room, his fingers entwined around mine.

It was like our first night at the tavern all over again. The dread in my belly. The feeling of lead in my shoes, weighing me down. The knowledge of what was to happen. Only this time, it would. Nothing was going to stop us. Everything was in place to ensure our success.

I couldn’t even look at Brennan as we walked the length of the emptied dining hall. My heart thundered, beating through my chest like a drum as we passed the other side of the lodge and made our way outside to the grass.

We crossed a small clearing to the lodge’s second building, the cabin that had been set aside for us. The sun was setting already, the sky a warm mix of red and orange, the sky clear after the storm. Brennan opened the door, leading me into the cabin’s entryway where the musicians played, and a few wedding guests still lingered, drinking fresh cups of wine. The simple cabin walls were covered in tapestries embroidered with moonstags. We walked beyond them into a sitting room, with a small adjacent library. And at the end of the hall, where everyone had gathered, was the bedroom.

It was large as far as bedrooms at the hunting lodge went. There was also a separate bathing room, a large wardrobe, a writing desk, a couch, and a set of cozy chairs on either side of the fireplace.

A large carpet lay where we entered, though I could barely make out the color or design. Nearly every inch of it was covered by our wedding guests’ shoes. They had crowded themselves onto it, all facing the center of the room. Facing the one piece of furniture I’d been dreading looking at.

The bed. Sized for a king, the canopy had four panels of white curtains, all drawn to their corners. Curtains that would be closed after we climbed into the sheets, offering us some privacy and dignity as we publicly completed our first act of intimacy with each other.

But there was one glaring problem with that.

“Why are the curtains sheer?” I hissed to Brennan. They were white, but they looked like they'd been made out of the same material as my veil.

“They have to be,” he said, his voice low. “There can be no question of the legitimacy of our union.”

“Why even bother with them then?”

“I did what I could,” he said. “After what happened last night, they were pushing for no curtains at all. I argued for hours. This was the compromise.”

Fuck.

“I told you, I won’t let them see you,” he said. “I’ll keep you as covered as I can. And I’ll do all I can to keep you comfortable.”

“You don’t have to. It’s not even my body,” I whispered.

He shook his head. “It’s someone’s. And underneath it, there’s you, and what we’re going to do is still intimate, and still worth protecting.”

“And what about you?” I asked.

But before Brennan could answer, a trumpet blared, and everyone fell to their knees. King Tirian entered the room, the high priest beside him, his black robes swishing at his feet.

“Rise,” the king said, and lifted a glass of wine to Brennan and me. “I welcome you all, my dear friends, to the bedding ceremony. To the union of Eskalon’s Crown Prince Jaron Emmerson Rowan Brendathan, and his wife, Princess Olivay, of House Lafir. May their union be as fruitful as it is honest, by our witnessing of the event. I know our happy couple has been as excited for this moment as we all are. So, let’s begin, shall we?”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Brennan took both my hands and led me to the foot of the bed, so we were front and center of everyone. My chest tightened, heat creeping up my neck. I’d never been shy before, nor modest. Witches simply weren’t. And I’d been performing half-naked for hundreds of men for years. Had stripped before even hundreds more. Some I’d even had sex with, when it suited me, when I wanted to, or was desperate to feed. But none of them had been able to see or feel or touch my true body, or face. In a way it was kind of like wearing a costume. Like none of it was real, only make believe, like I wasn’t really there. Like it wasn’t really me.

I wasn’t even in my own skin now, and yet, somehow this felt worse. Far more intrusive than any experience I’d ever had. Brennan was right. It wasn’t about my body being on display. It was about the intimacy of it. About the fact that we weren’t simply trying to make a baby, or chasing pleasure. Our bodies were going to act out something far deeper and more personal–something inside of our hearts, and I could feel every part of me tensing and shaking. My skin was running cold. I was more than afraid. I was terrified.

Because they were about to see me. I couldn’t be Olivay, not at this moment. I didn’t know how she’d behave in bed, and by all accounts of her as a pious princess, no one did. It was going to be all me in there. The part of me the Azete couldn’t touch. The part of me that Brennan had always seen. The way he’d seen my dancing before he ever noticed my face.

And with what was about to transpire between us, I was going to be even more naked and exposed. To our wedding guests. To my enemies. But worst of all, to Brennan. How was I going to hide from him when he was inside me? When it would be me underneath him, me in his arms, me kissing him back, and me who he found his release with.

How was I going to hide that I was in love with him? Or that I was draining his lifeforce with every touch, every kiss, every moan and slide of our hips as we joined. How was I going to hide that it would destroy me? Maybe he could sacrifice a year, but I couldn’t. I wanted that time with him. I wanted all of it.

But if the Hermit’s prophecy came true as he swore it would, I’d be lucky to have any time with Brennan at all.