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Why was it that suddenly they seemed to be pulling in opposite directions instead of pulling together? It couldn’t just be because of Vanessa, surely?
In the past, whatever differences they had had they had managed to compromise on quickly and tolerantly, but somehow now…
Was it because secretly she resented the way that, instead of helping her with the problem of their children’s mutual antagonism, he seemed to be cutting himself off from it and leaving her to deal with it alone… was that why she was almost deliberately allowing the distance between them to harden and grow?
All he had said to her when she had confided to him her concern about Tom’s fears was a brief injunction to contact both her ex-in-laws and Allan and Karen to discuss her concern with them.
‘It’s no good blaming Vanessa for the fact that Tom feels insecure,’ he had pointed out logically.
Logic was one thing, but where was the compassion, the concern, the love which should have softened his judgement?
Listening to him, she had suddenly felt as though not just her sons but perhaps she as well had become a nuisance to him, a problem, interfering with the smooth flowing of his life. She had felt, for the first time since their relationship had begun, the cold, destructive sensation of wondering if he did really love her.
This quarrel between their children had done more than provoke them both into taking a defensive stance to protect their own offspring; it had opened up areas of vulnerability within their relationship she had never ever suspected could exist.
The phone rang just as she was finishing loading the dishwasher. She picked up the receiver, surprised to hear the sound of her ex-mother-in-law’s voice.
Despite the problems of her first marriage and its eventual break-up, she had always remained on good terms with her ex-in-laws.
‘It’s the boys,’ Mary told her now. ‘You haven’t been in touch to confirm that they’ll be coming to us as usual for half-term, so I thought I’d better give you a ring. Actually, I wanted to have a chat with you anyway… I don’t want you to think I’m fussing, but the last time they were here Tom was very quiet and withdrawn. Not a bit like his normal self…’
‘Ring Mary and Jim and talk to them about Tom’s feelings,’ Marcus had told her, and because she had been annoyed with him, and hurt, because she had somehow, almost childishly, felt that he was supporting Vanessa over her, sweeping Tom’s feelings to one side as unimportant, she had ignored his advice.
Quickly now and half guiltily she explained what had happened and how Tom felt that because of the new baby he and Gavin were no longer important to their grandparents.
‘Oh, no… poor little Tom. We thought he and Gavin would enjoy having a larger room. I should have realised how he might feel, though. I feel so cross with myself for being so insensitive. Thank goodness you discovered how he felt… perhaps if Jim and I drove up to London to collect them this time instead of you bringing them down it might reassure him a bit…’
After they had finished making all the necessary arrangements for Mary and Jim to collect the boys for their
week’s holiday with them, Eleanor rang Karen, her ex-husband’s wife.
Since they had never been rivals there was no animosity between them. From what the boys said to her and from what she herself had seen until Karen’s daughter had been born, she had established a very good and caring relationship with her stepsons.
Bearing this in mind, and heartened by what Mary had told her, Eleanor explained to Karen why she was ringing.
‘I thought Tom was a bit quiet the last time he was here,’ Karen confirmed. ‘I did wonder if it was the baby. I’ve got a younger stepbrother myself, so I do know what it’s like, but he’s so loving with her that I thought I must be wrong…’
‘It isn’t the baby he resents,’ Eleanor told her. ‘It’s more that he’s frightened that he isn’t going to be loved any more. I’ve tried to explain to him that when a new baby arrives in a family, for a while all the attention and excitement is focused on it. I think part of the problem is that he feels there isn’t anywhere he can really call his own. His bedroom here is really Vanessa’s…’
‘And we’ve put the baby in the room here that used to be his. Oh, dear… I am glad you’ve told me about this Eleanor. The last thing I want is to alienate the boys from their father. I know myself how devastating that can be for a child.’
What was wrong with her? Eleanor wondered sadly once she had replaced the receiver. She had thought of herself as a mature, responsible, aware woman and yet here she had been, deliberately refusing to accept the validity of what Marcus was suggesting, almost as though she were a sulky child trying to punish an adult for some imagined crime.
All right, so she was under a lot of pressure, what with the business and the house and Vanessa, and a part of her did feel resentful that Marcus seemed to be leaving everything to her and abdicating his responsibilities as a partner in their shared lives; but to adopt such a childish and pointless attitude, like a child seeking attention… wanting to be coaxed and cajoled…
She prowled irritably round the kitchen, trying to come to terms with the discovery she had just made about herself, irritated by her reactions—and afraid of them.
* * *
‘Nell? What are you doing up here?’
Eleanor tensed as Marcus walked into their bedroom.
‘You said you had some work you wanted to do,’ she reminded him. ‘And that you’d appreciate being allowed to get on with it in peace and quiet.’
She was sitting on the bed, brushing her hair, but now she stopped, watching him. Couldn’t he see her anger and tension?
She saw from his face that he could.
