Page 32 of Rivals and Liars

The tennis player laughed again—a soft, easy laugh—before dropping her gaze. Part of her wanted to say something more, to put a name to what it had meant to have Rachel beside her all these days, to how easy it had been to fall asleep at night knowing there was someone nearby who never would have asked her to leave in the middle of the night. But she couldn't find the words, and when she looked up at Rachel again, the woman brushed another strand of hair from her face, just like she had the other afternoon.

"Take good care of yourself, Kate Brogan," she whispered, and Kate pulled her into a hug and buried her face in the curve of her neck.

"I will."

"Kate, please," Diane huffs, exasperated.

She smiles again and touches her ponytail with exaggerated innocence, but she can't get her mind to settle on the morning's practice, because she still has that damn flutter in her stomach, counting down the hours until she sees Leire—and feeling like she's lost some of the certainty and resolve she arrived with last night. In her head, the scene had been simple: see her in her room, talk to her, tell her she can't keep going like this and probably end whatever they have. But now that she knows it's only a matter of time before Leire is standing in front of her again, she's not so sure she can actually say it—because when she thinks about spending more days here and not being able to spend the nights with her, it's hard to breathe.

She lowers her racket and straightens up, starting to walk toward Diane, who understands, frustrated, that practice is over.

"I don't think I can do it."

"Do what, sweetheart? Because this morning it seems like you can't do anything." The sarcasm in her voice makes the tennis player laugh as they both sit down on a bench.

"End things with her. I thought I was ready, but I think about seeing her tonight and the last thing I want is to fight. I just want to—"

"Be with her," Diane says.

"Yeah." Kate leans forward and rests her elbows on her knees.

Diane looks up at the sky and runs a hand across her back.

"You don't think I'm weak for not being able to walk away from her?"

"I've never thought that. Honestly, it takes a lot of strength to stand by someone as guarded as Leire for this long. You love her, Kate. Nobody can punish you for that—not you, not her. You're just two women in the middle of something complicated that neither of you knows how it'll end."

"I do know how it ends…" Kate tries to sound certain, but the waver in her voice gives her away.

"I know I haven't supported what you two have for months now—watching you suffer tears me apart—but I've talked a lot with Rachel too, and she's helped me understand that this is something you need to work through on your own, at your own pace. So all I can do is be here and support whatever you decide. And if what you feel like doing tonight is giving yourself a little joy, do it and don't think about anything else."

"What if tomorrow I feel like I need the same thing?"

"Sweetheart, stop torturing yourself. Nobody can blame you for holding onto hope that something might change."

Kate exhales and stares into the distance for a few seconds as she realizes that's exactly it—she still has hope. She still believes that somehow, things between her and Leire can be saved. She doesn't even know what she's waiting for, but anything would be enough. She doesn't need Leire to come out of the closet—just to commit to her, to give her something more than hotel nights, to tell her they'll spend their vacation together at her place, or that she wants to come watch her at tournaments after she stops playing.

"Okay, I'm going to shower," she says, and they both stand. "I'm sorry about practice today. I promise I'll be better tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it." Diane puts an arm around her shoulders and walks with her toward the locker rooms.

The night comes faster than Kate expected. Leire arrived in the afternoon, but she had an interview and then practice, and they agreed to meet the way they always do—which Kate is grateful for, because she wouldn't have been satisfied with their first moment today being in a hallway or a common room where all they could do was look at each other without touching.

She knocks, and the door opens the second her knuckles leave the wood, as if Leire had been standing right there, waiting on the other side of the wall.

"Hey," the redhead says, and Leire pulls her into a fierce hug the moment the door is closed.

The hug is so intense that Kate nearly loses her balance and has to press one hand against the wall to steady them both. She feels her force move through her like a current and breathes in deep, flooding herself with the scent she knows she's been addicted to since the first time she had her this close.

"Hey," Leire says when they pull apart, cupping her face in both hands before kissing her. "How are you? Did it bother you at practice today?" she asks, sliding a hand along her lower back.

"No, still no pain. The exercises and the physical therapy are working this time."

Leire exhales in relief. She's been asking all these days, but Kate's answers had been so short ever since the Costel renewal was announced that her throat had felt tight ever since—convinced that when they finally saw each other again it would be tense, something that would leave her wrecked by the end. But now, looking into Kate's eyes, all she sees is warmth. And that throws her off.

"I thought you were angry about the Costel thing," she says as they both sit on the bed.

"I am."