Page 38 of Soothing Little Sylmen

Amelia told me she would handle everything. When me and my boy walked into the library to find streamers and a small cake, I knew I’d been right to trust her. The friends gathered around the space were all happy to welcome us. Sylmen teared up seeing them all there for him.

I handed him his phone and then motioned for him to go around and greet people. He had given it to me for the most part because he didn’t want to have to be Big. But I knew that for this small amount of time gathered with everyone, it would be easier for him to have that way to communicate.

Later we’d discuss my hope to work on ASL with him. It was not only something to help him communicate more widely, but it would also give us a chance to learn it together, bringing us even closer than we already were.

Someone bumped into my shoulder as I pondered over how I’d bring the topic up with him. When I turned, I found Amelia grinning at me. Her gaze turned to where my boy was surrounded by other Littles who were chatting excitedly and convincing him to wear a party hat.

“He’s really come to be one of us while here. He’s going to be missed,” she said. “As will you.” There was a hint of sadness in her tone. I hated to hear it, but at the same time I was going to go wherever my boy went. Since his home was Anders Ranch in Texas, that’s where I was headed.

“You have been wonderful, Amelia. Your friendship means a lot to me. Being able to come here at your invite has changed my life. It’s given me the person I intend to spend every single day with until I stop breathing.”

She rolled her eyes and punched my shoulder. “Don’t get all sappy on me now. Have you talked to him yet about the classes? I truly think he’ll be happy about it. When Moses came to the Ranch, everyone was eager to learn ASL to be able to communicate better. It’s all about showing them we love them as they are. Sylmen being nonverbal doesn’t make him any less than the other Littles and Daddies running around here.”

I shook my head to answer her, then cut my eyes over to where Sylmen was. I didn’t want him to be within hearing distance, or it would spoil things. I dropped my voice. “No, I didn’t get to talk to him this morning and I didn’t want to bring it up while we’re here with everyone. My plan is to tell him after we go back to the room. He’s mentioned Moses in passing and how he’s seen others signing with him. I think it’s put a bit of curiosity in him.”

All of the playfulness left her expression. “You don’t need to be nervous, Gael. That boy loves you. He will be so happy at what you’re suggesting. I just know it. Sometimes people need someone to see them before they can dream their own dreams.”

Her words landed like an anvil in my chest. Was that what I was for my boy? The catalyst for him to explore freely knowing I’d be there to support him?

Laughter from the Littles stole my attention. They’d managed to get the hat on my boy. He was bouncing happily with the others, hence the giggles.

From there, time moved rapidly. I spoke with other Daddies and cut cake, passed out sippy cups and bottles, and even held my boy when he needed a snuggle after all of the big emotions from his friends were shared.

Right around dinnertime people began to disperse. They’d come in waves, and this last group was hungry and ready to go. We waved them off, thanking them for coming.

I eased my napping boy down onto the couch and covered him with a blanket so I could help Amelia tear everything down. We kept quiet as we worked, neither of us having much to say.

“Gael, I really am happy for you,” Amelia told me once we had all the trash thrown away and the chairs back in place. “If there’s ever anything you need, you know how to reach me. And again, don’t be a stranger. That’s loser behavior.”

“I have no plans of being a loser,” I agreed with a laugh.

I gathered up my boy, who barely moved at all, and took us to my room. The first thing I did was lay him out and put him in a fresh diaper. Even in his sleep he sighed at the feel of the fabric closing around him. His lips started to smack, searching for something to suck on. I grabbed his pacifier, easing it to his mouth until he latched on. Then I lifted him again and moved him up the bed.

Sure, I could have put him in his crib and given him time alone while I worked out the final logistics of living with him. But that meant letting him leave my side. He’d already been away from me long enough today. I needed him close.

My plane ticket and rental car were sorted already. I’d also checked in with Corrin to make sure he was still good with this big change. Of course he was, going so far as to tell me I’d be an idiot to let Sylmen go.

That didn’t make me any less anxious. As a Daddy, I was confident. As the man about to change his whole life, I was a bit of a mess.

With my boy covered up and resting in my bed, I stepped into the bathroom, phone in hand. I left the door cracked so I could hear him if he started moving around, but I needed a second.

I dialed the only other person I could think of to give me advice. I’d bothered Corrin enough, but if anyone else knew me well enough, it was his best friend and manager, Tennyson.

“Well, well, well, look who called me. I had to hear through the grapevine that you got yourself a partner, partner.” He put on a thick Texas accent, and I wanted to reach through the phone and shake him.

“Real funny, Tennyson Anthony.” I used his full name, which of course got me a groan.

“Enough with that. What can I do for you today? I’m sure you called for a reason, not just to hear my voice. If that was what you wanted, you would have called Corrin and made him sing for you instead. You know I don’t have that good of range.”

I ignored the comment. “Definitely don’t sing, please. I’m calling because I need advice. Or maybe a pep talk. Do you think it’s wrong of me to follow my boy home? That starting life on a ranch and being away from the music industry is going to kill my career? I’m second-guessing myself and I know it’s just because we’re down to the wire. Our flight leaves tomorrow.”

Tennyson thankfully didn’t make me wait or draw it out. “Dude, you have one of the best jobs in the world. You don’t have to be with the artist all the time to produce music. You could honestly take a step back and just do songwriting instead if you wanted. Even though I know Corrin likes to have you around sometimes, it’s not a requirement. He’s already mentioned he told you so. I think you’re just getting in your head. Maybe you’re nervous about meeting your boy’s family. Is that what this is?”

I thought of Ms. Connie, Blaze, and Robin. Of how they had been on the phone. I thought of the rest of the men on the ranch who would see me and know I was there for Sylmen. They would know that I was his Daddy, because my boy could not hide his regression for anything.

“I think it’s a combination of that and the unknown,” I admitted.

Tennyson hummed. “Well, yeah, of course. You’re diving in the deep end. Trust me, it’s not easy.”