Page 14 of Offside

He chose to be exposingly vulnerable, too.

I sat there for over an hour in the morning, staring at the screen and trying to craft a response that never came. I didn’t owe the guy anything, and he was just some random guy from Canada, but a little part of me couldn’t move on right away.

Couldn't delete the app like I said I would when I got up.

Because it might have been brief, but for just a minute, I didn’t really feel so lonely.

And maybe it was just because I woke up to a nice message from someone, or maybe it was just knowing that my feelings weren’t unique, but it felt nice for a minute.

The rest of my morning was less nice. I had a brutal morning practice on unfamiliar ice, which always sucked, but hey, I’d been traded to Toronto once, so how unfamiliar was it really?

It felt a little weird to be back, and they’d done some renovating since, but it didn’t matter.

“Asshole,” Ash huffed, knocking me over the head while I tried to drink some water. “You could have knocked on my door and said Hey, Ash, I’m going out early to get coffee. Wanna come? It’s part of friendship.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to come,” I tried, setting the bottle down in my temporary cubby where I was getting changed. “It was early, and I was just a little stir crazy.”

“Okay, this is clearly going to be an uphill battle with you,” he sighed, tossing his mask aside to start shedding his padding. “Friends as a concept is pretty new to me, too, buddy, but I have faith we’ll figure it out together. Next time you get stir crazy, send me a text, and if I’m up, we can get out of the hotel together.”

I should have just been grateful that Ash was trying so hard with me–I clearly wasn’t great at this on my own. I hated that I kind of needed a babysitter for something as basic as making friends–you know, the first thing you learned in school.

But at least it was a learning-together thing.

Not a Miyagi thing.

“Right,” I answered, nodding as I picked up my phone.

BaskarKnight offered for us to talk, and maybe I could just practice making friends with him. It was noncommittal, and I’d never really have to answer for it–I wouldn't even meet him, so what was the harm?

Clearly, I needed the practice.

MetalMonkey: I just got scolded for not waking my friend up to get coffee with me this morning.

The app said he was offline, so I didn't bother waiting for an answer. I locked my phone and pocketed it, letting out a quick centering breath.

“You wanna get lunch?” I asked Ash, trying to make up for the coffee thing this morning–I did kind of feel bad.

He always sat with me in the morning and had coffee in his kitchen, so.

“There we go, Karts,” he sighed, shaking out his sweaty hair at me with a giddy smile. “You thinking Italian? Mexican? I’m down for whatever.”

Thump.

I had to be on the right track.

Hanging out with Ash made good things happen in my chest–like I felt like he was really trying to be my friend, and it was nice. It may have been forced by Thayer at first, but he was happy about it and chose it now.

Maybe all I needed was a little help and some friendship.

The sex stuff was still a question mark, but I heard that porn addiction was a real thing. That it made actual sex boring and stuff, so maybe I just needed to see someone about that.

Maybe I just got so used to being alone, and now I was just most comfortable that way.

By the time Ash had landed on food–burgers–and we got seated at our table waiting, I felt a buzz on my leg.

Part of being so unfriendly was that I really only ever got messages from my family, so I was trained to reach for it and look at it as soon as I could.

But I had a new person to add to the possibilities.