Page 18 of Offside

Even just as a friend.

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I almost choked on my breath, not expecting him to even be awake, but definitely not to respond to my deranged message. I almost didn’t want to look–I couldn’t read that he now hated me and was blocking me.

So it was a good thing it didn’t say that, because I was weak and needed to read his message.

MetalMonkey: I’m sorry, Knight. I really didn’t mean to upset you with that–I just…it made me feel weird. Not the first message–that was nice, and I like that you at least aren’t pretending to just get me, but actually do. It's awful to be glad you’re suffering, too, but it feels a little less lonely to know you are.

MetalMonkey: That still sounds awful–I’m sorry. I don’t want you to suffer. If I could, I’d happily absorb all your bullshit, so at least one of us could be normal.

My heart started beating awfully loudly in my ears–louder than the Black Sabbath I told myself I actually liked and didn’t just listen to because of Metal. I swallowed hard, sorting through his thoughts to find which one I was going to address, because I was done letting this be about me.

I liked it a lot more when it focused on him.

BaskarKnight: Funny, most people go with Baskar or Bask for shortening my name.

MetalMonkey: Well, you already call me Metal, and we can’t BOTH be metal, so.

BaskarKnight: You know what Baskar is? Did you look it up or just know?

MetalMonkey: A good metal monkey familiarizes himself with all forms of metal.

MetalMonkey: Even the kinds of other worlds.

BaskarKnight: My god…you’re a nerd.

MetalMonkey: Unfortunately, the biggest, I’d say. I didn’t do the whole friend thing, so I got really acquainted with the Star Wars franchise, the Star Trek franchise–honestly, anything to do with space, I was in.

BaskarKnight: I knew I liked you, Metal. Tell me–what's your controversial Star Wars hot take?

MetalMonkey: The Inquisitor lightsabers are both stupid-looking and fucking weird. They are not cool and are just plain weird–like, why the hell do they turn into helicopters? Why do they turn into saw blades? Why are these the fucking multi-tools of the galaxy?

BaskarKnight: Metal…one hand on the phone now–that was the hottest thing you’ve ever said.

It was becoming hard to keep my laughter quiet, trying not to wake up anyone around me, but come on!

The guy was a nerd!

He was…perfect.

I mean, come on!

He was hot and funny, and he made my chest feel things. I was sure he would disappear in a few days, but for now, I wanted to keep talking to him.

I wanted to keep pretending this was real.

MetalMonkey: I’m still waiting for yours back, Knight. This is a two-way street here.

BaskarKnight: Easy now–all you had to do was ask, my nerdy companion. Kylo Ren is one of the most justified villains in Star Wars because his downfall doesn't stem from a free choice, but from an environment that denies him an identity: he's born as a symbol (Skywalker-Solo), raised in fear by Luke, manipulated by the Resistance, and seduced by Snoke, so the dark side is the first place where he can decide who he is, even if it's through mistakes. In the end, the weight of his lineage left him without a true self.

MetalMonkey: Insightful…and correct. Kylo is objectively one of my favorite characters, if not my favorite, simply because he was made to turn to the dark side by simply leading with emotion. I don’t believe all Sith are bad–they are simply more human for not being able to lead without emotion.

BaskarKnight: Now THAT’S a hottake, but one I both respect and fear. I’ll keep an eye out next time I piss you off.

MetalMonkey: No keeping an eye out. I’ll just show up in that weird way Kylo can for Rey in her head.

BaskarKnight: Don’t threaten me with a good time.

Chapter 8