Page 23 of Offside

And it would probably hurt him if I kept it and didn’t say anything.

BaskarKnight: That’s okay, Metal. Get some sleep. If you wake up and do start freaking out, just…freak out with me? Like, don’t go away and spiral on your own. I’ve kind of always just known I was what I was and never had to question things the way you might be now, so I may not be of help, but at least you won't be alone.

BaskarKnight: And selfishly, I don’t want to be alone. I still want my friend–I didn’t feel lonely the last month of talking to you.

Vulnerability worked with Metal–had been working all month. He had a natural push when things got a little too close for him–it was how I knew the praise thing was true, even when I was joking about it.

Honestly, I suspected it from that first day. He got weird after the “I’m proud of you” message and even said his freakout wasn’t from anything in the first message.

That only left the second one.

So, I tested my theory a few times.

Every single time, without fail, any type of praising message like that would make him go from instant replies to radio silence. Sometimes he’d come back on his own in an hour or so, but sometimes I had to reel him back in the morning.

Either way, my joke was more of my own way to tell him I saw him. I couldn’t just come out and say, Hey, I know you have a praise kink now, and if it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll stop, but I also really like praising you, so let's chat about that, maybe?

Metal slept for a long time, or maybe he was just ignoring me. My message went to read right when I sent it, which meant I was right–he fell asleep with his phone unlocked…

Aw–he probably didn’t even have the energy to get up, and now he’d have a mess to clean up when he woke up–that would be the moment he spirals, for sure.

If he wasn’t already–it would be then.

My phone buzzed to life in my pocket, making me drop the rogue screw for my desk to the floor, just to check it.

MetalMonkey: No spiralling or freaking out yet. I just woke up and was a little disoriented, but I think I feel good.

BaskarKnight: You think? Should we talk about that, or do we need to just switch topics?

MetalMonkey: We can talk about it a little bit. My body feels good, if that’s what you were worried about, but yeah, I think my head feels okay with it all.

MetalMonkey: I mean, I was already jerking off when you messaged me, so maybe that helped me accept it on my own, but you made me cum, Knight.

MetalMonkey: No hiding from that fact–I came gawking at that picture.

Now was so not a good time for my dick to be joining the conversation, but it was fighting. I loved every second of reading that message and reread it twice, just for the little tingle going down my spine.

BaskarKnight: I’m worried about all the things when it comes to you, Metal. Yes, admittedly, my ego was a little worried you didn’t enjoy it, but the rest of me was equally as worried about how you were doing afterward.

BaskarKnight: Am I pushing my luck if I ask you…I don’t know–how are you feeling? Selfishly, I want to ask you about other stuff, but we’ll go with how you're feeling for now.

MetalMonkey: I feel weirdly okay. I don’t know–I think I just like you, Knight. I like being your friend, and I like talking to you…and yeah, I liked what we just did.

MetalMonkey: If I’m practicing radical honesty right now, and I fear that I am, my first thought when I woke up was if that was a one-off or if we’d be doing that again after the movie later.

MetalMonkey: Because you’re not getting out of that movie–Revenge of the Sith is my favorite of the prequels, and I already decided we’re having Chinese for dinner, so.

BaskarKnight: I’m into you, Metal. You tell me when you want it, and I’ll make it happen.

BaskarKnight: And funny you say that–I was just having the meanest craving for an egg roll, so that works for me.

Theories about Metal circled in my brain, almost too many to keep up with. I wanted to dig into what he meant by liking me, but honestly, I didn’t think I could hear the answer.

In all my years of talking with strange men on the internet, I’d never once met anyone who made me feel half the way I did for Metal. I never cared to know one the way I did with him, and the real scary part was that I’d never met one I actually wanted to see in person, at least for nonsexual purposes.

I wanted Metal on my couch for our movie later, and I wanted to steal an egg roll from him.

Fuck–I was pretty sure I just wanted to be with him.