Page 8 of Offside

“I’m straight,” I confirmed, nodding once when he finally looked over at me. “Why? Do I give off the vibe or something?”

Ash scoffed, shaking his head playfully. “Dude, there’s no vibe,” he chuckled. “I thought I was straight until I wasn’t–no vibe needed.”

“Until you weren’t?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he huffed, shrugging a little before hoisting himself up to sit on the counter again, facing me. “Like, I only dated girls, only attracted to girls…and then my coach touched my leg, and I got all tingly inside in a way girls never made me feel, so. Straight until I wasn’t.”

He said it so casually.

It was so entrancing to see how casual he was about all of it–how thick his skin must have been. I saw articles coming out almost daily about him and Thayer, knocking their relationship because of their age gap–how they met–but the biggest spotlight was always on the fact that they were both men.

A concept I never truly cared about–I had gay friends all my life.

But none of them made it past Junior Olympics.

Being anything but straight in pro sports was an uphill battle, but one Ash seemed to actually enjoy climbing.

“And you don’t…like you don’t miss women?” I asked, unsure if that was an offensive thing to ask.

I’d just never known an actual bisexual person–the idea was always very interesting to me. That you could just like both, not one or the other.

“No,” he said after a second, cocking his head a little while he thought. “I mean, this conversation is about to get very TMI if you want me to go deeper into that no.”

I gestured at him to go ahead because, if anything, this was a form of opening up and getting to know my team.

It was team building…ish.

“Okay,” he chuckled, shaking his head softly. “So, I’m a bottom…so, to answer your question, no, I don’t really miss women per se, but sometimes I do miss the actual act of doing it, you know? I wouldn’t change anything about Thayer–I love him exactly how he is, but yeah, sometimes I kind of wish we switched or something.”

It was around that moment that I started asking myself why the hell I even asked or why I cared to know. I was letting him talk because it was a way of getting to know him, but why was I nodding along and actively listening?

Asking questions about why they didn’t switch?

Why did I have any reaction at all to finding out that there were basically levels to all this stuff?

“Sorry–your mom had a question about edging,” Thayer said quickly, kissing Ash’s cheek as he passed to take back over cooking.

“Oh, did she?” Ash asked lifelessly, his eyes locked on mine, while I bit back a laugh. “You tell her you have a lot of experience?”

“No–I figured I’d keep our Friday nights out of it,” he smirked back, stepping out of the way before Ash could kick him. “Besides, I’m far more interested in the conversation you two were having. You gushing about me again?”

“Parts of you,” Ash smirked. “I was just telling Karts here about my sudden trade of teams–bonding exercise. I’m trying to relate to him.”

Thayer and I both laughed, but mine was a little bittersweet.

It felt like a bad time to tell Ash that I was actually a little sensitive about that stuff, so I bit it back and laughed along.

Once again, refusing to give someone any kind of access to me.

“How about you, Thay?” I asked, feigning casualness as best I could, though, admittedly, I was very curious about his gay awakening.

“Oh, please,” he scoffed, waving me off like it was ridiculous. “I came out of my mother with a rainbow flag coming out of my ass, and everyone knew it. I told you all and kept it under wraps during the season, but Mixr and I were great friends when I was home in Kansas.”

“Mixr?” I asked.

“It’s like gay Hinder,” Ash sighed, rolling his eyes pretty dramatically. “I found it on Thay’s phone a few months into us dating and got the lowdown on how he really spent his off time at home–”

“And I told you it was set to inactive,” Thayer grumbled, smiling sweetly back at Ash. “It’s really just a hook-up app,” Thayer started, speaking more to me now. “They have a setting for all kinds of people–gay, straight, bi, furry. It’s just…no one's using it to find the love of their life, which was perfect because I was obviously saving that title for Ash.”