Page 73 of A Prudent Engagement

“It hurts,” Jane said.

“I did my duty. That carried me here. Home. But it hurts.”

Jane hugged her tightly.

Charlotte came up and put her arms around them, too, though there was something in her manner that suggested to Elizabeth that her friend still strongly disapproved of Jane, and that while Elizabeth might express no ill will towards her sister, Charlotte considered it proper that someone should.

Her mama embraced Elizabeth also, and she cheerfully said, “Do not fret. It will turn out well in the end. I have a sense for such things.”

As Elizabeth still did not trust in her mother’s perspicacity or wisdom in this matter, what she said did not comfort Elizabeth at all. But her mama’s cheerfulness, despite Elizabeth’s conviction that it was ill founded, did.

To Elizabeth’s enormous surprise, she slept well that night.

They learned at breakfast that Mr. Darcy had left Meryton in his fine carriage at first light.

This did not shake her mama’s confidence—she said that he was certain to be back in a week or two, once he had thought through matters.

It rather surprised Elizabeth that the experience of forming such expectations about Mr. Bingley, which were then disappointed, did not prevent this optimism. For her part, it was clear that Jane did not expect to ever see Mr. Darcy again.

Elizabeth too had no expectation of ever seeing him again in her life, and she went alone on the walk to Oakham Mount that she had meant to take with Mr. Darcy the day before. She wept frequently the whole way, and she sobbed at the peak when she thought of how she would never be able to show him the fine view—and that he was as gone from her life as her papa was.

But at least he was alive, and that was worth a great deal.

Elizabeth at times had great flashes of resentment towards Jane, which confused her, for she thought that her sister’s actions were likely to have been justified on moral grounds.

And she also heard her papa in her mind, laughing at her and making sport of the whole matter. And that thought comforted her more than a little as well.

Chapter Seventeen

In the spiralling of Darcy’s mind after Elizabeth left, one thought did eventually become clear: he had wronged Miss Bennet.

And he had harmed Bingley as well.

He knew from the manner in which his friend had spoken when he saw him in London before leaving for Rosings that the memory of Jane Bennet had still been strong in Bingley’s mind.

Perhaps it still was, and perhaps he could correct that error.

Or perhaps Darcy would simply embarrass himself deeply, and offend Bingley, and end a friendship of long standing.

If that happened, it would be no less than he deserved.

In the midst of his own heart’s soreness, Darcy dearly wished to at least make an effort to see if he could relieve the pain that was still in Jane Bennet’s voice when she said that she knew how it felt.

And if Bingley married Miss Bennet, it would greatly relieve his anxiety about Elizabeth’s welfare—though his honour should not permit him to let that concern influence him in recommending his friend towards Miss Bennet.

Elizabeth’s voice echoed in his head: “You always see yourself to be above us.”

At first he had been filled with a sense of righteous outrage towards Elizabeth and all the world.

But his mind refused to allow him that comfort for long.

His own deficiencies, his own assumptions of superiority, had made him behave in a manner which made it impossible to gain the honest affections of the only woman whom he had ever come to truly admire.

He had no one to blame but himself.

He said nothing to his own servants—though they could perceive that something was amiss with the master—or to the servants at the Meryton Arms about the end of his engagement. This was not out of hope that it would not be truly real until he spoke it—it was because he wished to allow Elizabeth to choose how best to announce this end to those in her community.

He did, however, send a letter to his rector at Kympton, informing him that the banns should not be read in his parish the following week, and he would in a few days send a letter to Elizabeth, reminding her to tell Mr. Miles of Longbourn parish the same and asking her how she would like him to behave with regard to making such announcements.