Page 70 of No One’s Daughter

​Faint and muffled.

​Easy to miss, if I hadn’t been listening out for anything and everything these days.

​Crying, coming from the bathroom.

​I stilled, just listening, and every instinct in me lit alight, pulling my focus toward the closed door down the short hallway.

​The sounds were soft and small, like she thought if she kept them small enough, contained, they might not be real. Like she didn’t want me to hear.

​I exhaled slowly, dragging a hand down my face as I stared at the wall.

​This was my fault.

​At least, partly.

​I’d pushed her too far. Pushed her harder than I had any right to, considering what she was already dealing with, all that she didn’t know. What I wasn’t telling her.

​Fuck.

​Anger I could take, all day and night, but genuine sadness and crying… not so much.

​My feet moved before I’d fully decided to act, carrying me a few steps down the hall before I stopped just short of the door.

​Why the fuck did I care?

​I could hear her more clearly now.

​The hitch in her breathing, the quiet uneven sobs.

​My hand lifted to the door but I paused, hovering there.

What was I doing?

She wouldn’t want me here.

And what was I supposed to do?

Knock? Casually pretend I hadn’t eavesdropped.

Offer comfort? No, she definitely wouldn’t want that from me.

She’d hate the intrusion, hate her vulnerability being heard.

Hate me.

I knew that much at least, so I stood there for another awkward moment until finally, I lowered my hand, stepped back and turned away.

It didn’t matter that I’d wanted to comfort her, that I didn’t like the sound of her crying. That I didn’t like the idea of being the cause.

I grabbed my leather jacket, pulling it on as I slipped out onto the streets. The air was cool and the sun had just dipped below the horizon, the city alive in its usual way.

It didn’t take long to find what I was looking for, a little corner shop with a bored cashier barely sparing me a glance as I bought a pack of cigarettes.

By the time I made it back, the lights inside were dimmed, the flat quiet but the bathroom door was open.

No more crying.

Thank fuck.