Page 94 of Ravaged For You

“Okay. Favorite color?”

“Green.”

“Like your eyes, got it.”

“Next question, Maddie.”

“Favorite kind of food?”

“Italian. These are easy.”

“Give me a second. I’m coming to the hard ones,” I reply. “Your biggest fear?”

Axel leans back in his seat. “Oh, that’s a good one.”

“You gotta give me an answer.”

He takes a moment to think about it. He actually seriously thinks about it before answering in that dry witty way of his.

“Being normal.”

“What does that mean?”

“I hated the small town life and everyone’s small minds about things back there. Their attitudes about who you can be and who you can’t. I always wanted to see the world instead of being normal. Having a normal life. That’s the scariest thing in the whole freaking world for me.”

“Oh.”

Axel takes a sip of his wine. He furrows his brow. He’s about to tell me something, something I reckon he’s building up the courage to tell me.

He leans in close.

“I had a best friend when I grew up in Crystal River who was amazing at the guitar as well. Better than anyone I knew. He had the talent and the promise to be next fucking level, you understand? Gabe. We were inseparable as kids. Real close. We did nothing without the other, relying on each other as best friends. I mean, everyone thought we were twins, and we basically were. We would do anything for each other. We learned guitar together. We sang together. We were inseparable. And then, one day out of the blue, he was diagnosed with a rare form of childhood cancer that ate his little body up. I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Gabe died before he even reached ten years old, and it broke me. My best friend was robbed of his life way too young, and I’ve never forgotten that. Gabe wanted to explore the world and live life as a rockstar just like the ones he saw on TV. That’s why I want to experience the world and soak up everything it can offer me. That’s why I’m in the position I’m in now. I don’t want to let that boy I was once best friends with down, even if he only now exists in my memory. I want to have the life Gabe never could have.”

There are tears forming at the corners of Axel’s perfect eyes. A cloud of grief hangs over him. His sadness makes me want to cry as well.

“People who come into our lives are more than just a memory,” I whisper back in reply, my voice cracking under the melancholy I’m feeling from the stoic man. “Even if they’re gone, they’ve changed our soul. They always do.”

Axel nods. He’s holding back those tears with everything he’s got. He still wants to be perceived as the strong man. The cool rockstar. He should know he doesn’t need to do that in front of me; I’ve seen enough of him to know the real man underneath that hard, playboy exterior. “I think that’s the case too,” he murmurs.

“You know you can talk to me,” I tell him. “I may be your fake girlfriend and all, but I’m here. I can listen.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Maddie.”

And then he straightens his back. The moment of emotion on his face is gone as fast as it came. He’s back to being the charming cocky I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-anything Axel the rest of the world knows.

For a moment there, I pierced through the façade. I’ve probably gone further than any girl’s gone before, and he allowed me – for that brief moment – to see beyond the mask.

“Is that why you sleep around?” I ask. It’s the alcohol that’s allowing me to be so blunt. “Is that why you’re addicted to the novelty of a new girl in every new hotel bed you sleep in? You want to experience the world?”

Axel leans back and chuckles again. He waves away my question like it’s silly. “Maybe that’s part of it. You’re a real armchair psychologist, Maddie.”

“You can still explore the world with a partner by your side,” I tell him. “The right partner who may not want to settle in the suburbs and lead a normal life. The right partner who will follow you where you go.”

“You’re probably right, Maddie,” he says dismissively. “You always seem to be. Now, where the fuck’s our food?”

* * *

The entire cohort of paparazzi is still waiting for us as we step outside the restaurant.