Page 45 of Vicious Betrayal

Oh God, I'm pregnant.

I think about Cormac, and the nausea becomes so violent that I have to run to the toilet to throw up. I stay there on the floor for several more minutes, trying to think this through, my forehead against the porcelain.

I can't imagine he'll want this, either. This was always supposed to be a fling. He'll want me to get an abortion, but after that… after that, will he want to continue things with me? If he doesn't, then everything I've done so far will be for nothing. I'll have nothing more to give the FBI. But he's been fighting his sensibilities the entire time we've been together, and this is exactly the kind of thing that could shock him back into saying we need to stop.

And I don't want to stop. I want to stop playing the FBI's game, but I don't want to stop seeing Cormac. I don't want to lose him.

But I'm going to, one way or another.

I think about Reyes, who wants me to become more established. His real girlfriend, not a fling. The irony would almost be funny if I could find any air in my lungs to laugh. I get up, slowly, rinse out my mouth, and look at the test again.

I want to burst into tears. It would feel good, actually, to have some release of all the emotion building up in me. But I can't. I feel frozen inside, terrified, and I can't breathe.

I have no plan for what comes next. But maybe if I tell Reyes this, I can get out of this horrifying maze I've found myself trapped in with them. Maybe they'll see that this is only going to get worse, not better.

It's amazing that I manage to get any sleep at all. I do seem to drift off for a little while, though, and when I wake up, my entire body aches all over as if I actually do have the flu.

I go downstairs and make myself some hot tea in the kitchen, since I slept late enough to miss breakfast, and take it back up to my room. I stare at my phone for a long time before I finally manage to get up the nerve to call Reyes.

She picks up on the second ring. I don't bother with an opener. I can't think of anything to say other than getting straight to the point.

"I need to end the assignment."

There's a pause. "Why?" Her voice is so calm and cool that I might as well have told her I couldn't make it to dinner.

"Because I'm pregnant."

This time, the pause is longer. "Where are you?" Reyes asks finally.

"I'm at home."

"Then stay there." She hangs up before I can say anything else.

They're both there within the hour. Brennan comes with her this time, hanging back as Reyes walks to the dining room table like she fucking owns the place. I cringe when I see Brennan. Having to have this discussion with one FBI agent is bad enough, but at least Reyes is a woman, and even though I know her understanding looks and sympathy are a ploy, it does make things a little easier to talk about. Brennan makes me want to crawl under the nearest piece of furniture and never come out.

When a maid comes in and asks if we want anything, Reyes asks for coffee, black. Then she looks at me, her gaze cool and entirely unflappable. "Tell me when you found out."

I take a slow breath. I feel like I'm being interrogated, and I hate it. "Last night."

"Have you told him?"

I shake my head, the nausea returning. "No."

"Good." She writes something down. "How far along do you think you are?"

"I don't know. I haven't—" I stop. "I only found out last night. I haven't seen a doctor." I bite my lip. "We haven't been using protection. Ever. I'm on birth control, but I'm… I'm bad about remembering it." My cheeks flush as I see Brennan shift in the background, and it sinks in that he's hearing all of this.

"This changes things," I say slowly. "For me. You have to see that."

"It changes the circumstances, yes." Reyes doesn't look up from the page. "It changes nothing about our agreement."

This time, when I speak, my voice shakes. I can't stop it. I can feel already that this isn't going in the direction that I want… that I need it to. "I can't keep lying to him about this. Not now."

"You're not going to tell him you're an FBI source." She lifts her eyes. "Under no circumstances will you do that. However you feel about this, Oksana, that doesn't matter. We have a deal. If you renege, that deal is gone. This doesn't change anything about that."

She sets her pen down and looks me full in the face. "You agreed to cooperate with our investigation. If you do that, and get us what we need, we will not pursue charges against you and your family. Nothing about your personal circumstances changes that."

"I'm pregnant," I say again, like repeating it might make her hear it differently. I can hear the pleading note in my voice, and I hate it.