Page 136 of Relapse

And for reasons I couldn’t explain, I knew Silas would be the one to give me the answers.

Whether they destroyed me or not.

Chapter thirty-four

Behind Closed Doors

NOAH

There were white walls again.

“Do you have any idea why he decided to walk home?”

And voices.

“None. He had my car for the night.”

Damian’s voice surrounded me often. I felt safe with him there.

“Blink, Mr. Hansen. Can you blink, sir?”

I blinked. I didn’t always know who was talking to me, but I could hear them. Often. I tried to do what they asked me to do, even though I wasn’t in full control of my body.

“Are you able to fully hear me right now? Blink twice if yes.”

Blink. Blink.

“Mr. Hansen, I have my finger in your palm right now. Can you squeeze as hard as you can for me?”

I put pressure where I thought the finger would be.

“Good, good.”

There were a few days of that, maybe, I wasn’t too sure. I was in and out of consciousness, my brain trying its best to piece back together the events of that night.

When I fully came to, Delane was there. She was at my bedside, crying softly to herself. It took a bit of time for me to form words, but eventually, I was able to. Like muscle memory, it all came back.

“No, no,” I murmured. “Stop that.”

I reached out, trying to cup a hand to her cheek. My arm couldn’t fully make the motion. My hand remained extended out to her, shaking some. “Stop it. Where’s my smile?”

She leaned forward, into my touch, sniffling. “Noah…how did this happen?”

I closed my eyes for a moment. I wished I could tell her. If I could, I’d start from the beginning. Way before we met. I’d start with the abuse. No, before that. I’d start with the rape of my mother. Then I’d explain why I was like this—why I despised emotions, why I constantly put myself into harm’s way, the memories I blocked out. Somehow, all the shit I never let myself feel was catching up to me anyway. My life was a never-ending race, and I was getting run straight into the ground.

And I was losing badly.

Dead last.

“I just helped someone in need,” I whispered.

Silas’s face entered my mind. His face, covered by curtains of blood. The matted hair. His hands clutching his slashed side to keep what little blood remained in him.

I was too afraid to ask Delane. I didn’t know what she knew. I needed to know if Silas was alright, but I couldn’t risk upsetting her further. I honestly couldn’t even believe she was here to begin with.

I let my hand drift down from her cheek. I went to take her hand, but she tensed up, fingers drawing inward. I stopped. It was quick, but I caught it.

“Why would someone do this to you?” Her tears spilled over. “I don’t get it!”