Page 69 of Hearts on the Mend

“But you did.”

He scratches his jaw, his voice rough from sleep. “Debateable, but I think I’m finally where I need to be. My friend though? His kids are going to grow up without a dad. And I know shit happens, and it’s a fucking dangerous job, but sometimes, Cass…” His voice breaks. “Sometimes, I wish it had been me instead of him.”

I reach for his hand, kissing the back of his knuckles. I don’t have the right words, so I don’t try to find them.

Brains can be assholes sometimes, telling us stories that aren’t true for a lot of different reasons. I know that. But still nothing prepared me to hear Nolan’s honesty.

“What was his name?”

Nolan sighs, shutting his eyes. “Jared.”

The name settles around us, heavy.

The wind rattles the screens then and Nolan flinches. I rest my hand over his heart. “I’m glad you’re here, and Ruby too.”

“Me too.”

“Can I see them?” I nod toward his shoulder. “You’re sure they’re healing okay?”

“I’m not always running to the hardware store. I have physical therapy. Still have some lingering smoke damage to my lungs, too. But I’m healing fine.”

“Fine,” I huff. “Right.”

He rolls enough to let the light catch his shoulder. I don’t touch, only scan the healing scars, and ignore what feels like a stone sinking in my stomach.

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again—wouldn’t fall for a man who might not walk through the door at the end of a shift. What if we try to figure out how to be together and I have to sit and worry every damn day if I’ll see him again.

“Hey.” He cracks an eye open, then moves over to make more room. “Come here. I don’t want to scare you…”

But it’s too late for that.

I glance back at the open door, then slowly crawl forward, nestling my body against his. My hand rests on his chest, his heart hammering under my fingertips.

Nolan peeks down, then drags me closer still, wrapping his arm snug around my waist. “Missed you all day,” he says into my hair.

I melt a little more.

“I can’t believe you made it back to us in this storm.”

“As long as I’m here, nothing’s going to stop me getting back to you, Hellcat.”

His hand comes to cover mine, and I press my face against his shoulder. I feel a bit like Ember, trying to get so close.

“Well,” I say, “seems like it’s about to get complicated.”

“Only now?”

I giggle. I have to because otherwise I’ll cry. “Matt can be… petty. Don’t think he likes to see you here with me and Ruby.”

“I get it. It was one of my concerns too.”

“It’s more that he’s upset that he doesn’t get to be here with us. He likes to pretend he loves his family, has this great life, but that was only ever a story. During the wildfire season, we hardly saw him. During the offseason, it was like he was looking for any excuse to leave and have drinks with friends or go to the gym or…” I sniff back the tears welling up. “We were something he had to do to make himself feel better. We were never there because of love.”

“How did you two meet?”

“I was visiting my aunt the summer before junior year of college. She used to have horses here across the street. I loved riding the trails along the beach. Anyway, he spiked a volleyball at me, nearly knocking me off my horse.”

“Sure you were happy about that.”