Page 140 of UNAwere

‘It’s hard,’ she says. ‘Being tied to it.’ She shakes her head and sips her beer. ‘I would…’ She stops herself. ‘Fucking hell.’

‘What?’ I ask.

‘Nothing.’ She leans back and peers up at the sky. It’s starless, framed by trees and the sleek edges of the mansion. ‘It’s nice out here. Away from all that.’

‘It is,’ I agree. I lean back in the chair, tugging my legs up to my chest, and suck on the cigarette, filling my lungs. ‘I hope life after this is normal enough to appreciate these quiet moments.’

‘It will be,’ she murmurs, head still craned to the sky. ‘If you want it to be, Syb, it will be.’

I make a non-committal noise. A part of me hopes it will, but I can’t be so sure. Not anymore. If these past few weeks have taught me anything, it’s that having expectations doesn’t make a difference. Because you’re either just disappointed or unsurprised.

‘Where’s the positivity?’ Hannah asks when I voice that to her. She regards me again, the cherry on the end of her cigarette glowing.

‘Fake it until you make it,’ I mumble.

‘Aw, Syb.’ She reaches across and pats my knee. ‘It’ll be okay.’

The back door opens, and we both look up. A man I don’t recognise steps out onto the patio, a small girl in his arms. She’s asleep but rouses when Hannah gets up.

‘Hey!’ She goes to them, kisses the man, and then helps him ease the girl into her arms.

‘Ma!’ The girl yawns. ‘We’re here to pick you up.’

‘Aren’t you nice?’ Hannah kisses the girl’s head, smiling.

I stand, awkwardly, and then I sense him before I see him. Jude steps out of the back door and meets my eye. He smiles, but then the girl in Hannah’s arms gasps and almost throws herself at him.

‘Uncle Jude!’

Jude grins and catches the girl, wrapping her in a bear hug.

‘What are you doing up this late, Aspie?’ he murmurs.

‘We’re picking up Ma.’

‘Are you just?’

‘She insisted on coming.’ Hannah’s husband glances at me.

‘Keith, this is Sybbie,’ Jude murmurs, his eyes back on me. Aspen grasps his face and turns his attention back to her, and he grins.

I smile, waving awkwardly.

‘Hi.’

Keith frowns. Looks between us both.

‘You’re…?’

‘Sybbie is Luminaire,’ Hannah explains. ‘She’s here for the alliance.’

‘She is the alliance,’ Keith says. He glances back at Jude. ‘But—’

Hannah clasps her husband’s hand. ‘Hey. Let’s keep our thoughts to ourselves, hm?’

‘Uncle Jude, you look grumpy,’ Aspen tells him, squeezing his cheeks between her small hands.

‘Do I?’ His face softens as he meets her eye. ‘But how can I be grumpy when I’m seeing you?’