Page 90 of UNAwere

‘Your tenacity. Your drive to find the positive.’ He shrugs a shoulder. ‘Even when shit is hitting the fan.’

‘I’d rather laugh than cry,’ I say honestly.

‘It’s okay to cry, though,’ he murmurs.

I give him a conspiratorial look. ‘Are you sure?’

His mouth smooths, quirking at the corner slightly. ‘Mm.’

‘I wouldn’t know.’ I peer back at the mountains. ‘My sister’s done the crying for the both of us these past few years. And I’ve let her. I just want her to be okay. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.’

‘You know you can’t look after Maeve if you’re not okay yourself, right?’

I let out a small laugh, his words hitting me in the chest a little too hard. ‘Huh.’ When I turn my head and meet his gaze again, he’s still watching me. But he’s not smiling anymore. He looks… worried. ‘That’s like what they say to you on the plane, in the event of it going down. Which is why I don’t like to fly, by the way.’

His expression changes, confusion replacing the soft expression he’d been giving me.

‘What?’

‘Oh, um…’ I twist my pointers around each other, trying to put into words what I mean. ‘You know the air thingies?’

‘Oxygen masks?’

‘Yeah, those. They tell you to put yours on first, before you try to help others. So you’re able to breathe. You’re no good to anyone while oxygen-starved.’

That small smile returns, and he nods. ‘It’s kind of like that, yeah.’

I turn back to the mountains, and we gaze at them for a little longer, until it gets too dark and cold, and Jude goes and gets us a room.

‘You should take the bed tonight,’ I say when we go in.

We’ve just eaten in the motel’s restaurant, and I’m full of chicken casserole and dinner rolls. Jude closes the door behind us and slides the deadbolt across.

‘No, I’m fine. You take it,’ he says. He keeps his head down as he crosses the room, putting his bag on the table and taking a seat on the chair beside it. It’s wooden and hardly looks comfortable. I watch him as he bends to start unlacing his boots.

‘Why don’t we both?’

I know saying something like this out loud is treading dangerous ground, especially since we’ve gotten ourselves into a few interesting positions these past two weeks. But he’s injured, and I can’t lie in this bed with a clear conscience, tucked into soft blankets, while he’s uncomfortable on a wooden chair.

‘I’m fine, Sybbie,’ he murmurs, still not meeting my gaze. He stands with a grunt. ‘I’m gonna shower. Then you should, so you can get some rest.’

‘Jude, can you take the bed? Please?’

He pauses in the doorway of the bathroom. ‘Sybbie…’

‘It’s a king,’ I offer. ‘It can fit both of us comfortably. And no funny stuff.’ I say the last part as a joke, but it really doesn’t land the way I intended because I see Jude’s back stiffen.

He sighs, but he doesn’t say anything else, so I leave it. While he showers, I flick through my phone, liking recent posts on social media of Ollie practising archery, Izzy training with Drew, and Maeve’s selfie with a giant chocolate muffin.

Maevey

Hey! How’s everything?

Her text comes through almost immediately. She must have seen me online.

Me

Fine! We’re almost at Warner’s.