Page 98 of UNAwere

Jude sighs. ‘Car.’

‘Nope.’

He rubs his face. ‘I don’t want to play this, Red.’

‘C’mooooon.’ I throw him a grin. ‘We have ten minutes left of the biggest, weirdest road trip we’ll both probably ever have. We might as well finish it off with a bang.’

‘Crippling depression?’

I snort. ‘That’s two words.’

‘I don’t want to play.’

‘Curmudgeon,’ I say. ‘It’s you!’

He rolls his eyes.

I squeeze my fingers around the steering wheel, letting out a breath. I’m trying to ignore the fact that I’m terrified of leaving this little bubble Jude and I have created these past few weeks. This sense of normalcy, that is so far from normal. I don’t want anyone to enter this. I don’t want to meet new people or have to talk to anyone else. And I don’t know why.

‘Hey,’ he murmurs.

I glance at him. ‘Hey!’ I say cheerily.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah! You?’

‘Tired as fuck.’

‘I think we’re getting close to that one hundred dollars,’ I say, throwing him a smile.

‘Red.’

‘Mm?’

‘You know you can be honest with me, yeah?’

‘Sure.’

‘I know you’re not feeling the emotion you’re currently presenting to me.’

I snort. ‘What?’ I put on a mysterious voice. ‘Can you smell it?’

‘No.’ He’s staring at me, but I refuse to meet his eye. Because I know I’ll crumble if I do. ‘Red…’

‘I’m good,’ I say, my voice cracking. ‘Just peachy.’

‘You don’t have to be strong for me, sweetheart.’

I bite down on my tongue, unable to ignore the wave of feelings his words create. Tears cloud my vision, and I clear my throat, sniffing.

‘Sybbie, pull over.’

‘No, I’m good. We have, like, seven minutes left.’

‘Sybbie.’ His hand is on my thigh, and the electric shock makes me jump. He grunts. ‘Sorry. I—Just pull over, honey.’

I turn the car onto the side of the road. We’re in a fairly populated town, and houses sit on either side of us. I get out and walk to the bonnet, running my hands through my hair. Sobs are clawing at my chest, but I don’t let them up, breathing deep. My eyes are burning. There’s a pressure on my chest that tricks my brain into thinking it’s drowning.