Page 38 of Her Honorable Hero

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Miranda stopped talkingand looked up at Griff.

“Do you remember falling?” he asked.

Miranda shook her head.

He had been holding her, swirling designs on her skin with his thumb. But as soon as she talked about taking the leash off her ankle, he’d been frozen. It had taken everything she had to continue talking. She rushed through the last little bit of the story. Well, at least Griff didn’t have to ask if she was done. Her ending was kind of clear.

“So you don’t remember anything but clutching at sea grass?” he asked.

Apparently it wasn’t clear.

“No. The doctors were surprised I remembered as much as I did. They said in a lot of cases like mine that the hours before and after the event would be wiped out of the patient’s memory banks.”

“Hmmm.”

What did that mean?

“Griff?”

“I’m hungry.” He pushed up from the bed. “I’m going to make some eggs. Do you want some?”

“It’s three-thirty in the morning.”

“I was just on the other side of the world four days ago, my hours are all screwed up. It feels like time to eat.”

He wasn’t looking at her, and his jaw was so tight it looked like it might shatter. Miranda turned on the light and scrambled to the dresser. She pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt, then followed her husband into the kitchen.

She watched as he pulled food out of the refrigerator. She’d bet her next paycheck that if Livvie weren’t around, he’d be banging the frying pan onto the stove.

“Are you mad?” she asked tentatively.

He carefully cracked the eggs into a mixing bowl. “How would you like your eggs cooked?” he asked politely.

“I’m not hungry. Answer my question. Are you mad at me?”

He looked sideways at her. “I can’t be, now can I? That’d just make me an irrational asshole.”

Noting that he’d scrambled enough for the two of them and poured them into the pan, she sighed and put bread into the toaster.

She came up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his back. “I love you, even if you are irrational. Tonight’s our night for truth-telling. The good, the bad and the ugly.”

She felt him tense.

He kept stirring the eggs. “If I tell you how fucking mad I was at you for taking off that leash, even though you ended up saving Hope, what then? I was scared out of my head. But the guys and I make those kinds of decisions every day. I wouldn’t bat an eyelash if Dalton had made that call, fuck, I’d have applauded. But you?”

She kissed his spine.

“Keep talking,” she coaxed.

He turned off the gas and moved the pan off the burner. He turned around so he could look down at her.

“Most days.” He winced. “Scratch that. For almost three years, I’ve looked at that little girl and she brightens my life. But today, my heart twisted. For a few seconds, I remembered what it was like when you handed me her warm body and I watched you grapple not to fall.”

“Did you resent her, or were mad at me for making the choice to save her?”

She watched him struggle to answer.

“I’m not going to judge you, Griff. Tonight is for truth. You’ve been holding this in for three long years, Honey. Just tell me.”

“God,” he bit out. “I was mad at God. Fury raced through me at that instant. I was mad at him for punishing my dad, for killing those people, for damn near killing this baby in my arms. And the worst was for forcing you to make the only choice you possibly could.”

He dropped his forehead down onto hers. He continued, his voice hoarse. “I wanted to scream. But I had to just do the job. I’d never been so out of control in my life, then I was mad at me. I almost lost it at the most crucial time of my life.”

His anguish shone through. “How can I have such an ugly truth and be any type of father to our daughter?”

Miranda was stunned. When they’d started talking this through tonight, she’d been sure she’d find he was holding deep-seated anger at her. She should have known better. She leaned forward to lay a kiss on his heart, but he stopped her.

“No. Don’t try pawning me off with some bullshit comfort. Answer the question.”

“I’m not comforting you. I’m thanking you. I’m thanking you for not screaming. For not losing it. For not resenting Hope. For understanding why I did what I did and loving me. This isn’t comfort, this is love.”

She looked up at him and his eyes gleamed. This time he didn’t push her away when she laid a kiss over his heart.