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“Maybe to you.” He moved his arm and his hand brushed over fur. He looked down to find Marshmallow next to him. She glanced up and blinked her blue eyes. He ran his hand over her silky soft fur.
Jillian turned his way. “Did you and your parents have an argument just before the accident?”
He shook his head. “It was quite the opposite.” His thoughts went back in time to the point when everything went wrong. “We were actually getting along. I was the points leader in my division and I’d talked them into driving to Wyoming to watch my next competition.”
“I remember because they didn’t go on overnight trips often and they asked me to stay with the kids.”
“In fact, that was the first time they’d ever attended one of my rodeo competitions.” The breath hitched in his throat as he recalled what his need of their approval had cost everyone. He continued to pet Marshmallow, who was now lying snug against his thigh. “If…if I hadn’t talked them into going, the accident…it wouldn’t have happened.”
He didn’t look at Jillian. There would be sympathy reflected in her eyes. And he didn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy. Everything that had happened to his family had been his fault. It was his burden to carry for the rest of his life.
“How can you say that?” Jillian moved to the couch. “You weren’t the one running from
the cops. You didn’t T-bone their car.”
The memory of his parents’ deaths had the back of his eyes burning. He blinked repeatedly. If only…
Jillian’s hand rested against his shoulder. He took great comfort in the simple gesture of support. With his free hand, he reached up and covered her hand with his own. He squeezed her hand, drawing on her strength as he finished what he needed to say.
“If I hadn’t talked them into that trip, they would still be here for Beth and Jordan. I robbed my brother and sister of their parents. So I can’t sell the house—their house. I don’t deserve any part of it.”
Jillian’s hand grasped his shoulder in a firm grip. “You’re the only one who believes that. And what about you? You lost the most.”
“How do you get that?”
“Because you not only lost your parents, but you sacrificed your youth and dreams in order to be a loving and caring guardian to your siblings as well.”
“I did what I had to do, and I’d do it again.”
“But what about the future? Your brother and sister are getting on with their lives. You did a great job raising them to be upstanding, independent adults. Now don’t you owe it to them to show them that even when life throws you a curve ball you need to make the best of things and move forward?”
“I am making the best of things.”
“Are you?” Jillian moved to the floor next to him. “If you remain stuck in the past, you never move forward. They will continually worry about you. They may even give up their dreams to move back here to be with you.”
His first reaction was to vehemently disagree with her. After all, what did she know about the situation? And then he realized if anyone knew his family, it was Jillian. She knew every single one of them, including his parents.
Still, this was the first time that she’d ever spoken to him so boldly about something so personal. He looked deep into her eyes. Instead of pity or sympathy, he found compassion and something more. But she glanced away before he could analyze the emotion reflected in her eyes.
He moved his hand as though to reach out to her, to draw her closer. He needed to feel her warm, comforting touch. As she leaned forward, her long golden locks hung down around her face. Once again, he was tempted to feel the silky strands between his fingers.
He reached out, catching a lock with his finger. Instead of glancing away, she continued to hold his stare. There was warmth and understanding in her eyes. Inch by golden inch, he wrapped her hair around his finger. Slowly he drew her closer.
Her gaze never left his. In place of the uncertainty there was now inquisitiveness and—dare he think it—desire. Or was he reflecting his own feelings upon her?
But still, she followed his lead as they drew closer and closer. And then she was there a fraction of an inch away. There was no going back now. His entire being was consumed with his need to feel her lips beneath his.
And then his lips were touching hers. He was gentle—afraid of scaring her away. A tsunami of emotions washed over him, knocking him off balance. It was so unexpected—so moving—that he reached out to her. He gripped her side with one hand and wrapped the other around the back of her neck, holding her close.
This was only supposed to be a simple kiss—nothing more. And yet it was like a chasm had opened up and now he was falling. He’d never ever experienced anything so moving—so gripping.
He pulled back. This wasn’t right. Since when did a mere kiss become so intense? It was like he could lose himself in the kiss, but he didn’t do that—he didn’t lose control.
Jillian blinked and pulled back. She didn’t say anything, but she was studying him. He stared straight ahead at the window, but he could feel her ever-present gaze on him.
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know exactly what had happened just now. And so he opted to ignore it and pretend that it had never happened.
Jillian leaned back. “Where does this kiss leave us?”
